I Try, You Buy: CuCu Cute Cube Candy

Once again, my Japanese candy buying leaves me with something that I find entirely unappealing. I have only myself to blame.

Not having any knowledge of the Japanese language (spoken or written) means I'm usually buying these things based on:
1. Pictures on the packaging
2. Prior knowledge of a product
3. The mandatory English-language ingredients label on the back (there's usually a cursory translation of the product).

I picked up this candy thinking it was some sort of red bean/green tea chewy candy. That was only partially correct.

What I got was a hard candy that was all creamy matcha flavour. It was like a green tea Werther's Original. Yarg.

I don't know if a different texture or a more pronounced red bean flavour would have helped make this more palatable to me, but I definitely found this lacking. Plus, the Werther's-iness didn't help (I hate those things).

I'm sure part of the problem is that I prefer the sweet, citrusy "green tea"-type flavours typically found in American candy to the more authentic matcha flavour produced here.

I shared these with co-workers who had similar feelings.

The one area in which this candy completely delivered for me was the "Cute" aspect. Check this out:

It's a dog made of candy!

Not to mention some of the individual wrappers:

A candy dachsund and a candy shiba inu? Love!

What it is:
A 1/2" cube of matcha-flavoured hard candy

Who should buy it:
People who like matcha; people who love pictures of dogs made out of candy

Who shouldn't buy it:
People (like me) who don't like creamy matcha flavours; people (again, like me) who hate Werther's Originals

Cost: I think this was around $2 at Mitsuwa; being too dumb to tell that this wasn't chewy before I bit in to it? Priceless.

Pokemon

Source: Johnny Wander (via Reddit)

I thought this was pretty cute, but the pedantic biology nerd that dwells deep within me rages every time one of my Pokemon "evolves".

Just got Chang'ed

Chet Manley, a commenter over at WarmingGlow made these animated gifs from last night's Community. I imagine they'll be all over the place in a matter of days (hours? I don't know how internet time works any more), but I'm putting them here instead of bookmarking so I can have quick access.

Awwww, yeah.

The whole "Chang gets greased up and goes in the vents" thing instantly made me think of the Simpsons episode, "Sweet Seymour Skinner's Badassss Song". Unfortunately, I couldn't find a clip of Groundskeeper Willie chasing Santa's Little Helper in the air ducts. Someday I'll stop being such a lazy bastard and learn how to make my own video clips.

Drinksgiving 2010: Aftermath

I'm pleased to say that I made it through all 9 booze groups this year:

Beer - Furthermore Fallen Apple
Brandy - [substitution] Knob Creek Bourbon & Soda
Cordial - Coffee & Peppermint Mocha Kahlua
Gin - Tanquery Rangpur & Tonic
Rum - Bacardi & Diet Coke
Tequilla - Jose Cuervo Tequilla Sunrise
Vodka - Bloody Mary with Absolut
Whiskey - Glenlivet Nadurra 16 year Scotch
Wine/Sake - Boniko Sake

If you're going to engage in a day-long drinkathon, remember to eat and stay hydrated. My Thanksgiving day meal wound up being a batch of homemade spicy squash macaroni & cheese (my MI:5 watching a few years ago taught me something, something fats and alcohol) and a bunch of plain vegetable sides (healthy, to offset the booze consumed). I stocked the fridge with a few litres of water and a big container of coconut water, and rehydrated like a marathon runner.

Then, there are the movies. With this year's theme, I was initially concerned that I wouldn't be able to find enough movies to watch and would be stuck watching the first three Resident Evils and a slew of Pokemon movies. So. Very. Wrong. Much like last year, I wound up with a stack of movies that I couldn't fit in. I thought that watching that many crap-ass movies would kill my urge to watch any more, but before the weekend is over I know that I'll be watching Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li.

Drinksgiving 2010

Movie 1: Resident Evil
Drink: Coffee with Peppermint Mocha Kahlua (cordial)

Sweet Jebus, I love this Peppermint Mocha Kahlua.

0824: I've seen this movie so many times, and I always seem to forget that the first 30 minutes exist.

0830: Also, did that computer animation (like, the maps and shit) look sophisticated when this was made?

0837: That's right; there's really no point in watching this until the killer laser hallway. Possibly no reason to continue, but I started this and I'm going to end it.

0852: I love movie/TV labs with their flasks full of brightly colored water.

0901: Gah! Hair and fingernails do not continue to grow, you stupid movie computer brain thing. Don't base your fake movie science around something that's debunked by 5th grade science class.

0923: Oh, Paul WS Anderson, you're all inexplicable musical cues and shoddy attempts at misdirection. Don't ever change.

0935: My copy of this movie has all three on a single DVD. I can't tell if the first one ended and the second started without end credits, or if this movie is actually still going.

0937: No, that movie was totally over.

Movie 2: Max Payne
Drink: Bloody Mary (vodka)

0939: WTF? Did this DVD just play a non-smoking ad? More WTF? Don Draper and Jennifer Connoly were in the Day the Earth Stood Still remake?

0951: Marky Mark's opening narration - he's doing the Christian Bale Batman thing. I wonder if he talks like that for the entire movie.

1000: He doesn't, but Mila Kunis up in this bitch.

1008: Most of what I remember about the game is shooting shit. Were the druggy winged-shadow freakouts part of the game?

1017: Beau Bridges & Chris O'Donnell? This movie has the weirdest cast.

1053: For a guy who's supposed to be all pissed off and vengance-y, Marky Mark is profoundly bland.

1113: As much as the acting sucks and the plotline is incomprehensible, this movie looks amazing.

1119: Drink 3: Tequila Sunrise (tequila) And I should amend my previous comment. The set design looks amazing, the fire & demon cgi looks like ass.

Movie 3: Double Dragon

1140: You can play online here: http://nintendo8.com/game/745/double_dragon/ I got so distracted playing that I totally forgot that I was watching a movie

1144: I knew Scott Wolf was in this, but I didn't know that Robert Patrick would be the stereotypical 90's villain.

1151: I love movies that show us recent past as the future. Silly movie, there aren't any station wagons to convert in to rocket cars any more. Strangely, Vanna White and George Hamilton of 2007 did still look exactly like they did in 1994.

1205: So instead of being burly adult martial arts experts like in the video games, the movie brothers are teenage mutant ninja turtles in human form.? And the Asian one grows up to be the Chairman on Iron Chef America?

1229: I just realized that Robert Patrick's blazer has a zipper. This movie would be way more engaging if it focused on him instead of Scott Wolf, Chairman Kaga, and Alyssa Milano.

1243: Goddamnit. If you've got a necklace that someone is trying to steal from you, maybe you shouldn't wear it around your neck on the outside of your fucking shirt.

1250: "Now Who's the Boss?" Really, movie?

1351: After a break to cook and get some air, I'm back on track.
Movie 4: Tomb Raider 2
Drink 5: Gin & Tonic- I had Drink 4 (Rum & Diet Coke) during Double Dragon

1401: Why do the "prized artifacts" in these types of movies always look like something bought from a Hammacher Schlemmer catalogue?

1403: She punched a shark in the face. There is no way that this movie could get better than that.

1438: I finally figured it out: Her tech guy is Seth Green + BJ Novak + British

1458: I feel like this is the second thing I've watched this week that featured someone making a getaway by hang gliding. That has got to be the worst means of escape ever.

1510: Ugh, I get it she's in Africa. Is it really necessary to drive the point home by showing them drive past herds of animals? This movie feels long enough.

1520: What the hell? It's like the movie just turned in to The Descent or something.

1547: Movie 5 - Mortal Kombat
Drink 6: Bourbon & Soda (I'm substituting this for the bourbon/cognac broup)
I don't know why I was surprised when this opened with the bad techno Moral Kombat song. Also, you can't sit straight up with you wake up from a dream. It's physiologically impossible.

1557: The first appearance of Christopher Lambert gives me hope that this movie will be hysterically bad.

1658: Suspicion confirmed. Also, what's up with these martial arts movies where two buys fight, but wait while their opponent get his/her fighting stance right?

1727: I don't know how much more I can take, but
Movie 6: Hitman
I'm just finishing off that Bourbon, and I'm going to drink a litre of water

1823: This movie has turned out to be surprisingly watchable. It's probably related to my having recently finished Deadwood.
Drink 7: Glenlivet Nadurra 16-year scotch

1903: Movie 7: Super Mario Brothers
I remember seeing ads for this when it came out, and even as a child I thought it looked like shit.

1940: This movie doesn't make any damn sense. I thought the Goombas were mushroom things. Luigi is wearing red, and Mario is in grey. It was pretty damn satisfying to see Dennis Hopper try to kill John Leguazamo.
Unrelated to this movie, but I don't know why I just thought of it: something I was watching previously used the sound of bowling pins benig knocked down when some guy fell down the stairs. I think it was Mortal Kombat.

2002: This movie is like someone took all of the sets and costumes from Total Recall and decided to attempt to cram a horrible, money-grubbing videogame adaptation in to it.

2033: This movie just had a shot of the World Trade Center towers disintegrating. That was the last thing I expected to see today.

2036: That wind-up toy bomb had a bizarre product placement thing for Reebok. And holy carp, Lance Henricksen! There's a part of me that wants to watch this movie forever and try to figure out what the hell was going on.

2107: Movie 8: Street Fighter
Drink 9: Furthermore Fallen Apple Ale
Jebus, how much of the budget for this film go towards sound effects artists and Van Damme's hair dye?

2216: I was going to attempt to watch the new Street Fighter tonight, but this one just doesn't end. What did the budget of this film go towards? It sure as hell wasn't a script, special effects, or production design.

Drinksgiving Begins

So, Thanksgiving was always my most hated holiday. There was church, a long drive up to a relative's house, an overly-long dinner during which I'd be forced to engage in dumb-ass card games and conversation while my brother could sit in another room and watch football.

The best Thanksgiving until last year was the time my mom went out of town and, after driving around and finding no grocery stores or restaurants open, my dad and I dropped off my brother at home and went to see American Movie. Previously, I would dream of spending the day at home watching The Iron Giant on Cartoon Network's day-long marathon. Movies seem to be the only good things that I associate with Thanksgiving. With that in mind, it's no surprise that once I was allowed to observe the holiday however I wanted, I chose a day of drinking of movie-watching.

Last year, I twittered. This year, I'm going for a dual twitter/liveblog thing.

So they're still talking about this?

Today, Ebert's twitter directed me to a HuffPo article about the MarieClaire flap (one of the mag's bloggers registered her disdain for fatties). At the time this originally went down, I mentally filed it under "Whateva" because: 1) I can't register shock over the notion that someone who works in a "fashion"-related field hates fat people; and 2) Until that point, I hadn't realized that MarieClaire was still around.

I'm guessing the second point is what this whole thing was really all about: A person on the internet starts an uproar and gets a lot of attention after making a statement designed to provoke. I believe the kids call this "trolling". Well played, magazine troll. You've given your mag a new-found visibility and ensured that the TV show you were promoting will get a sympathy-fuck bump in viewership.