Please, girl, try not to laugh at me no matter how awkward this gets

This made me laugh so hard I choked on my gin & tonic.

Initially, I thought that was Trey Parker of South Park, but it's actually some guy called Mike Polk. Well played, Mr. Polk.


Naturally, that song made me think of this one:

"When it's with me you only need two minutes 'cause it's so intense."

And then there's this one:

Imagine there's something clever about San Francisco here

So, I still have some San Francisco pictures left to upload, but they're all bits and pieces of stuff and don't really work together.

Here we go:

One facet of San Francisco's public transportation system is the street car. It's a single line that runs from Fisherman's Wharf/North Beach down to SoMa and back. It's cheaper and sometimes less crowded than the cable cars, but just as fun and touristy. Plus, it runs past the super-awesome Ferry Building.

The line is populated with a mash-up of different cars, all of them vintage. Some are from the lines that ran through San Francisco and other US cities. Others have been imported from foreign "sister" cities. Sadly, it didn't occur to me to try and get pictures of all of them until my second-to-last day.The one partially visible in this shot is from Italy.

This one, obviously, is from Zurich, Switzerland.

The Ferry Building is a fun place to get lunch, and while it's not a destination, it's worth a visit. There are daily tours and a weekend farmer's market, but I didn't see any of that. What made the Ferry Building worth a second visit for me was the food. Specifically, the French Macarons at Miette. I also got aged Spanish Mahon from the Cowgirl Creamery, vegetarian dim sum and tea (black lychee) at the Imperial Tea Court, and some amazing Recchiuti chocolates.

If you're fortunate enough to live in the area, there are also a number of vendors selling perishible items, like exotic mushrooms, caviar (but don't buy that because it kills the sturgeon), produce, meat, and seafood.

Fisherman's Wharf was a brief (maybe 2 miles) walk away from the Ferry Building. My camera battery was dying, but I managed to get a few nice shots.

Facing south, the Ferry Building is on the left.

Facing north, one of the piers is on the right. To your left, palm trees.

Another pier and a sunset or something.

Japantown had a large shopping complex that we spent some time exploring. The main attraction for me was Ichiban Kan, purveyors of inexpensive Japanese stuff like bento boxes, reuseable nylon shopping bags, those plastic sandals with the accupressure nubs on the soles, and sweet, sweet candy. There were a ton of restaurants, and I was left with the task of picking one.

The sign above was for a shop that seemed to specialize in curry. I was tempted, but opted instead for a packed noodle shop where I ate a gigantic bowl of veggie tempura udon.



Hey, kids, it's the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art! If you're an art nerd, like I am (in the last semester of my undergrad, I almost tacked on an art history major that would've meant another two years in college), then you always want to go to art museums when you're on vacation.* I have a particular love for weird and wacky modern art. In London, it was the Tate Modern. When I've got time to kill in Chicago I head for the Museum of Contemporary Art (conveniently located right next to the Watertower Mall).
I especially wanted to visit the SFMOMA because they were hosting an exhibit of Joseph Cornell's works. They were always some of my favourite pieces at the Art Institute in Chicago, and I was thrilled to see a massive collection here. They also had a Jeff Wall exhibit that I thoroughly enjoyed.

*Strangely, it's been at least ten years since I've visited the local art museum even with it's amazingly beautiful Calatrava-designed unit.

Random shot of a church and some skyscrapers taken from the park near SFMOMA.

I Still Hate Everyone: The Return

In this post I mentioned that they're allegedly going to be making a series of movies based on board games. The whole concept fills me with rage. Have we really turned in to such a cultural wasteland that we're no longer content to remake classic and foreign films, adapt books, comics, TV shows, or sketches from TV shows? It's only a matter of time before Coupon: The Movie is a grim reality.


Still, I knew I had seen a sketch about a "Chutes and Ladders" movie, but I worried that it had come from SNL or (shudder) Mad TV. Fortunately, it was a Robot Chicken gag, and was actually pretty funny.*

Note, this originally aired in 2006.
*Not funny: That this may actually happen.

Yeah, Wall-E isn't a Brad Bird joint. I'm less interested in seeing it. Still, I'd watch Pixar's worst film a million times over before I endure one of Dreamworks' crapfests or the steaming pile of celebretard-voiced shit that Horton Hears a Who looks to be. The commercials currently airing either pimp out the cast or feature a sing along of REO Speedwagon's Can't Fight This Feeling (and I'm so ashamed that I know that without the aid of google).


I'm mostly indifferent to the news that they might be remaking The Breakfast Club. I've seen parts of it on Sunday afternoon cable and have gotten enough of it to know that I don't like it. I think I'm about five years too young to have been swept away in the unstoppable wake of John Hughes teen comedies. I think it's asinine to remake it, though. From what I've read, they're doing a reimagining of the story and making it about twenty-somethings at an airport.

If they're going to do that, it should be pointed out that we already have a reimaging of The Breakfast Club. It's still set in a high school and uses the same lame-ass archetypes, but it has alien monsters and Robert Rodriguez and Elijah Wood transitioning from child actor to hobbit. That's right, bitches, The Faculty. Hell, there's even a scene where new girl/alien gives her own version of the last dialogue from The Breakfast Club.


I'm not proud, but I watched No Reservations on DVD. I can't even make a lame joke about it not being at all like Anthony Bourdain's memoir No Reservations. I knew that it would be horrible, and I'd hate myself for watching, but I figured there'd be some possibly decent food porn. No such luck. It's like Baby Boom, but without the delightfulness of Diane Keaton to make it tolerable. If Dark Knight doesn't kick ass, you're dead to me, Aaron Eckhart.

Attempted Kitler Invasion Thwarted

Border security must be strengthened. The AP reports a young Kitler attempted to sneak in to the US by hiding in a crate shipped from Singapore to Cleveland, OH.

The Kitler was discovered at a Cleveland company, and is currently being detained. Charges have not yet been filed.

It's like three for the price of one

Let's run down a partial list of stuff I like:

• The first eight seasons of The Simpsons
  
• Classic films
• The weirdness of literal translations from foreign languages in to English.

Just what the hell am I getting at here? Acualidad Simpson

It's a Spanish language Simpsons fansite that FilmDrunk linked for its supercool gallery of film references.

Yes, from the obvious to the obscure, the website has side-by-side comparison of the scenes in question along with a brief description.

The picture comparisons show just how dead-on the film references were.

As if that wasn't enough, check out the page through the magic of Google Translate. I think the text that accompanies the photo above says it all:

When Flanders failed 7F23
What is beautiful live! (1946)
In the midst of so much joy at seeing his friends help her husband, Mary Bailey (Donna Reed) throws his hands to his face and smile incredulous. A gesture is the same used by Maude Flanders contemplated when the solidarity of its neighbors with her husband. In addition, wearing a dress like that of the protagonist of What is beautiful live!.

I'm not sure what I like more about that: The literal interpretation of It's a Wonderful Life or that in the first sentence Mary Bailey is referenced as a "him".

The site has about three pages of this stuff, and it's continually being updated, so check it out.

I Still Hate Everyone

Sometimes, in my weaker moments, I ask myself why I won't fork over $10 to see a movie in the theatre. Then I think about the movies being released and contemplate spending that $10 on materials for nail bombs to send to people who make movies.

What's pissing me the hell off today? To start, there are the new Mike Meyers/Will Ferrell/Larry the goddamn Cable Guy movies. Then there's the whole "movies based on board games" thing. And then there's everything else that's horribly wrong with movies:

• They're remaking Rosemary's Baby. Goddamnit, you guys, don't remake good movies. At least don't remake good classic movies. Didn't you learn anything from the remakes of Psycho, The Manchurian Candidate, or Shaft?
  


• They're also remaking A Take of Two Sisters. I saw the original Korean film last year and not only was it scary as hell, it was absolutely beautiful. The moody lighting, the super-saturated colours; it rivaled Christopher Doyle's best work. Maybe I'm just partial to Asian women in red lipstick, but do you really think a shit-ass American remake will have anything that looks as good as this one shot?
  
  
• I watched the Meet Bill trailer, and my train of though went something like this:
  Aaron Eckhart has a new movie coming out. Sweet! He's sometimes awesome.
  He's kind of a schlub. That's bad. I like my Aaron Eckhart like I like my men: smarmy sons of bitches.
  It has a mildly amusing premise. That's-Not so fast. There's a high probability of some feel-good bullshit ending-fuck. That's bad
  The supporting cast looks promising ... but it includes Jessica Alba Goddamnit you son of a bitch. Can't I ever have anything?
  Looks like he's in a speedo at some point. Too late. It's over. I'm going to go watch In the Company of Men and Thank You For Smoking and forget I saw this.


• Superhero Movie.


• Rumors are Spike Jonez's Where the Wild Things Are film is being reshot because it's "too weird" and "too scary" for kids in test audiences. It's been a while since I last read the book, but I sort of remember it as being a little weird and a little scary. Besides, what kind of idiot takes their kid to a Spike Jonez movie? When I first heard about this film, I assumed it was going to be totally aimed at adults. I watched the "leaked test footage" that was all over teh internets, and I though it was totally charming.
  



• Finally, I watched Ratatouille* and The Incredibles together last Sunday, and I'd like there to be a moratorium on animated films not directed by Brad Bird. While Wall-E** is oddly intriguing (I'm hoping it's more Iron Giant than Short Circuit), the piece-of-shit panda movie fills me with unspecified rage. Maybe it's because the participation of Jackie Chan makes me suspect it'll be an extended chink joke.
  

* Firefox spellcheck, while awesome, recommended Bouillabaisse, Guillemots, Guillemot's, and Guillemot as corrections for Ratatouille.
** A few days later, I've done some fact-checking and realized that Brad Bird is not involved in Wall-E. It's actually the Finding Nemo guy. Regardless, my statements stand; they're just sort of non-sequitor-ish.

All the other blogs are doing it

So, I haven't been even remotely interested in Garfield since I was in the fifth grade. I could barely work up a good rage over the live action movies they put out a few years ago. I have no feelings of nostalgia for the comics, animated series, or once-ubiquitous car window suction cup toy things.

Anyway, I figured that Garfield, much like Scooby Doo, boy bands, and milk, was a relic from my childhood that I could no longer tolerate.

Then, half of the blogs I read at work home in my leisure time started pimping out garfield minus garfield (and look, now I am too!). I tried to resist, but my sense of morbid curiosity got the better of me.


Is it funny? It's better than the original at least. The reworking of the strip as the story of John Arbuckle, existential everyman, works in a weird way. However, the whole thing is strangely unsettling.

Kudos to you, garfield minus garfield author, you've managed to creep me out like a Japanese horror film.