I didn’t need molded plastic to improve my physique. Pure. West.

It's a damn shame that they couldn't include Adam West in this video. Still in the battle of the Batmen, my money's on Christian Bale. Patrick Bateman/Batman will always be cooler than Mr. Mom/Batman, Jim Morrison/Batman, or ER Doctor/Batman.

This music-loving man is...

...Takeshi Kaneshiro.

New Yorkers will get to check him out as a death-god in Accuracy of Death, which has screenings at the NY Asian Film Festival on July 3 & 4 (what better way to celebrate Independence Day?) The rest of us will have to hope that it has a US distributor which will send it to the local arthouse theatre (currently selling the fuck out by showing Indiana Jones and Sex and the City). And if that doesn't happen, there's always the internets.

The blurb on the NYAFF website is promising, which is good because this seems like it could easily turn into a schmaltzy crapfest. NYAFF referenced Neil Gaiman's Sandman, but watching the trailer I was reminded of the awesome Dead Like Me. Except, instead of Mandy Patinkin, there's a telepathic dog.



I hope it'll get released here, and for now I'm being cautiously optimistic.

Quite the kerfuffle

At the end of a long work week, nothing beats spending Friday annoying the hell out of your co-workers by speaking in a terrible British accent and a high falsetto voice.

In honour of these shenanigans, I present my inspiration: Rubbish Transvestite, Emily Howard.

Those useless trees produce the air that I am breathing

I never fully bought in to the cult of M. Night Shamalyn (yeah, I'm not going to look up the actual spelling). I didn't like The Sixth Sense that much because I knew the "twist" going in, and Bruce Willis and children are two things that I'd rather take a broken glass enema than watch.

I endured the endless tedium of Signs, pondering why those hillbillies didn't run the Indian guy out of town after he vehicular manslaughtered someone. Plus, nothing made me rage quite as hard as the film's final "message" about how his god makes everything happen for a reason.

When I was dragged to The Village, I brought along a water bottle full of vodka and snarked, "I bet it's, like, modern times, and they're just fucking Amish or something", in the theater before the movie started.

That said, I was momentarily intrigued by The Happening. When I first read the synopsis, I though, "Huh, that might not be complete ass." Then I took some time to think about it and realized that even if I could get past the Shaymalan-ness of it, the presence of Marky Mark almost guaranteed suckitude.* The reviews I've read seem to support that suspicion. And killer plant spores? Come on!
*Edit: The involvement of Betty Buckley assuredly spells pure unadulterated ass. Don't believe me? Just try watching an episode of Oz that featured her.

I'm not saying I'll never ever watch this crapfest. I'm just saying I'd rather eat $10 in quarters than pay to watch it.

Besides, I've already seen this movie, and it was Japanese and freaky as fuck. Yes, Suicide Circle was a hot mess of a film that starts out crazy, derails about 2/3 of the way through and gets crazier, and then manages to go back on track for a not-entirely-shocking reveal (yes, a twist) that still managed to creep me the fuck out. I'm not saying it's a great film, but it's creepy and available from Netflix.

If unsettling movies about mass suicide float your boat, check it out. And, if you're still looking for some menacing plant life, rewatch that scene with the apple trees from The Wizard of Oz.

Lou Ferigno had a better paint job than you

The Hulk still looks like it blows, but this clip is excellent (and not just because I'm strangely amused by the sight of Edward Norton punching himself in the face).



Clips like this and a similar one for The Bourne Ultimatum make me wonder why the hell I don't watch Kimmel.

Aside from the fact that I'm physically incapable of staying up past 10:30pm.

Douche overload

I just saw an ad on MTV [shut up, America's Next Top Dance Crew is on] for something involving Ashley Simpson's husband.

The ad was him and the guy who's always in pictures with that chick with the huge fake tits from The Hills.

I've never wanted to punch my TV so badly in my life.

You've got red on you

Perhaps TV in New Zealand is a highly competitive game with hundreds of networks duking it out for a slice of the market share.
Maybe ad executives down there are just more creative or willing to do cool and wacky stuff.
Or, it could be that TV2 is just incredibly cool.

Whatever the case, this Kill Bill billboard is the third ad from NZ's TV2 that has gotten my attention.
Saatchi and Saatchi set this up in downtown Aukland, and for all I know, it could be promoting a single showing. It's perfectly over-the-top, but compared to the endless viral bullshit used to pimp out movies, it has a sort of elegant simplicity. It communicates anything you might need to know about Kill Bill. Okay, not really, but still.


Also by Saatchi and Saatchi for TV2 was the Batsignal campaign for Batman Begins.
Batman stickers put down over pre-existing footpath lights; lights go on: instant Batsignal. So simple, but totally effective.


Still, my favourite TV2 ads are the ones for American Psycho (also by Saatchi and Saatchi).

This billboard is absolutely sublime. Truthfully, it's probably difficult to grasp if you haven't read the novel or seen the film; but if you have, you might not even need to read it to get it. The text is spot on, and sweet Jebus, it even has a watermark.

The print ad is even better.
It's like one of those optical illusions with the vase or something. You see it. And then you see it.
This is already my desktop wallpaper, but I think I'm going to put it on a t-shirt for Independence Day this year.