Jebus, Help Me

I watched the Shaquille O'Neal opus, Kazaam, to wash away the overwhelming dread brought on by watching Hideo Nakata's Dark Water. Why's it always gotta be children, Hideo?

I should have allowed myself to be haunted by terrifying dreams about zombie ghost children. Now I'm going to be haunted by terrifying dreams about Shaq rapping, pre-teen Weevil from Veronica Mars, and terrible cgi "whimsy". Gah.

When I'm prepared to relive this horror, there will be screenshots. Until then all you really need to know about this movie is that the villian makes Kazaam a rapper (I am not making this up) and at his concert the live band includes a keytar player and a fiddle player:

Actual screenshot from the movie Kazaam