Dear Humana Inc.

So, Humana keeps sending me junk mail addressed to my father. There are two big problems with this:
1. My father has never lived at my address. In fact, the most time he ever spent here was that one time he came over to help me put together some Ikea furniture.
2. He's dead.

Yeah, a company selling health insurance can't distinguish living from dead.

I've called their "customer service" a couple times and been sent to various answering machines, so now I'm just going to send them back their latest mailing along with a letter of my own:

Reserved For:

Dear Humana Inc.,

Good news! Did you know that if you act quickly, you can get my father to switch to your Medicare plan?

All you have to do is go back in time before March 2007.

The reason to go back in time is that you may get a better response from somebody who is not deceased.

At present time, my father has no need for your health plans that include prescription drug coverage.

So, unless the benefits of each of your Medicare health plans include time travel, curing cancer, and/or raising the dead in a non-zombie state, you can choke on your Brochure.

My attempts to call you at 1-877-457-2505 or go online to HumanaChoices.com to have my father's name and my address removed from you list have been fruitless.

Please stop this--I don't think it's funny.

Sincerely,

Kjhymn
Daughter of the deceased

P.S. IMPORTANT: If you're trying to sell health insurance, it's best you target people who are alive.