I try, you buy: winter facial cleansers

So, winter is finally upon us. This means: 1) My coat collection once-again sees the light of day. 2) No more of those freakin' ladybugs flying around my apartment. 3) Horrible flaky, scaly dry skin. The combination of wind, cold, and dry air renders my sometimes-normal combination skin dry and flaky. Sure, I could exfoliate more regularly (so. much. effort!). And, I could probably stand to drink more water (but, 'tis the season of peppermint mochas). However, my primary strategy has been to switch to a heavier moisturizer and a more moisturizing facial cleanser.

During the normal-er months, I use Shu Uemura's "Skin Purifier High Performance Cleansing Oil Enriched", or as I like to call it "the orange one". It removes makeup and cleanses my skin in one step, is water-soluble, and doesn't leave any sort of residue behind. It's one of the few products that I automatically repurchase when I run out. Considering this, the obvious choice for a winter, drier skin upgrade would be Shu's "Cleansing Beauty Oil Premium A/I". Of course, I live in a craphole town without a Shu counter (We're living like savages! Savages, I say!), so I decided to seek out more readilly available options for my seasonal cleasers.

Contestant No. 1: Christian Dior Cleansing Milk for Face and Eyes
They say:

This emollient milk is infused with radiance-boosting white tea for skin that's flawless, radiant, and wonderfully soft. For dry and sensitive skin types. [$30]

from Sephora.com

I say: "Hi, I'd like to return this."

Let me just start off by saying, I liked that it had a pleasant light scent, a good texture that wasn't too heavy, and came in a translucent plastic container with a pump. Then I actually tried to use it. There are a few ways that I tried this out:

• Method one was to massage it in to dry skin and then attempt to rinse if off and follow up with whatever toner I was using at the time. This was a big mistake, since, despite what the Dior counter woman insisted, it's totally not water soluble. There was no rinsing away clean, as evidenced by the amount of crud still picked up by my toner (Shiseido Pureness). Boo-urns!
• Method two was to massage it in to dry skin and wipe it away with a cotton pad, follow with toner. This also failed to remove the product.
• Method three was to massage it in to dry skin and follow up with another cleanser. The Dior Cleansing Water I was using at the time wasn't enough, but a Shiseido foaming cleanser I had worked as did my Shu Cleansing Oil. Double cleansing? Hell no.

Result: Failure. Kind of. Testing this stuff on my arm, there's no doubt that it emulsifies with makeup. The problem lies in getting the emulsion off of my skin. I'm not interested in using a good cleanser to remove the mediocre cleanser that I used first and I don't want to just leave it on my skin. I also wasn't thrilled about using it for removing eye makeup. Again, it did lift whatever makeup I had on, but the times I tried it I wound up using a separate eye makeup remover to take it off. If I had drier skin, I would've just used it as a morning cleanser when I want something gentle and don't need to clean off layers of makeup and sunblock.

Did I return it? Yes I did. Would I recommend it? Maybe to someone with drier skin than me, but I would suggest using a separate makeup remover.


Contestant No. 2: LUSH Babyface

They say:

This uplifting and softening little wonder bar is a gentle cleanser with surprisingly powerful results. It's solid so we could avoid using any preservatives whatsoever. The base is made up of a mélange of butters, (shea, cocoa and fresh avocado) that melt and grab hold of makeup and dirt, which wipe away easily with a warm washcloth or one of our nourishing toners on a cotton pad. The uplifting tangerine aroma will put a smile on your face, making your nightly routine something to look forward to. [$9.35]

From lushusa.com

I say: "Not again... What's LUSH's return policy?"

After returning the Dior cleanser, I strolled over to LUSH to check out their cream cleansers, Ultrabland and Babyface. They're essentially the same product; Ultrabland in creamy lotion-y form, Babyface in solid form. My friendly LUSH SA demo'ed both on my arm, instructing me to use a warm washcloth or toner to remove the cleanser. No bogus claims of water solubility--point to LUSH. I went with Babyface because it was the cheaper of the two and the solid bar form seemed like it might be easier to use.
So, once at home I cut off a piece to use and threw the rest in the fridge. Like LUSH's massage bars, Babyface liquifies at body temperature, so you just need to lightly rub it across your face. I didn't notice much of a scent, and it felt a little heavy on my skin. I massaged it in to dry skin and once again found that hot water and toner were not enough to remove all of the residue. In the in-store demo, the LUSH SA used their Tea Tree toner, so a toner meant for oilier skin (read: a more astringent toner) might work better to remove this product.
I spent about two weeks trying to make this cleanser work for me. As with the Dior, I didn't use this on my eye makeup after the first use; and, in the end I concluded that it's just meant for somebody with drier skin than mine.

Did I return it? No, but I gave the unused piece away. Would I recommend it? Same rec as the Dior: for very dry skin, and it needs a separate makeup remover first.


Contestant No. 3: Yves Saint Laurent Cleansing Milky Veil

They say:

This make-up removing milky gel transforms into a fresh fluid, to dissolve all traces of make-up, impurities and pollutants. Enriched with revitalizing Aloe Vera sap and bark of Enantia Chlorantha, it refines and improves the quality of the skin, giving it a pleasant and fresh sensation. Cleansed and invigorated, the skin reveals a pure radiance. [$38.50]

From www.yslbeautyus.com

I say: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me three times, I need to go back to my Shu cleanser."

This was an impulse buy while on a binge at an out of state YSL counter (don't ask). I was buying nail polish and started putzing around with the skincare while the SA rang me up. One thing led to another and I walked away with this cleanser and the cleansing water. Blarg.
Yet again, I got a cleanser that wasn't water-soluble and apparently intended for use as a non-makeup-removing cleanser for people with very dry skin. The scent and texture were both light, and more similar to the Dior cleanser. Like the rest I had trouble removing this with water, and while toner did leave behind some residue it wasn't as bad as the others. The packaging is an attractive translucent bottle with a nice, sanitary pump.

Did I return it? No. Like I mentioned above, out of state YSL counter. I decided to use it up as a morning cleanser, and paired with my alcohol-containing Neutrogena Pore Refining Toner. This actually worked out well; the toner took care of much of the residue and I didn't have to worry about residual gunk festering on my skin while I slept. Would I recommend it? Same as the rest: for dry skin and not recommended for makeup removal.


Contestant No. 4: Chanel Lait Confort Creamy Cleansing Milk

They say:

Comforts dehydrated and sensitive skin with the de-pollution power of Tulip Tree Extract and the hydrating properties of Arum Lily Extract. Non-drying formula thoroughly and comfortably cleanses, soothes and tones, with deep moisturizing effects. [$45]

from chanel.com

I say: "Wait. What? This is actually water-soluble. I'm tempted to call shenanigans, what's the catch?"

I had basically given up on finding a HG winter cleanser when I stumbled upon this product. While checking out the winter collection at my local Chanel counter, I mentioned my search for a winter cleanser to the SA. She grabbed the tester of this cleansing milk and handed it over for my inspection.

"Is it water-soluble?" I asked.
"I'm pretty sure it is," she answered. "Let me check."
She inspected some corporate literature and convo'ed with another SA who actually used the stuff. Both answered in the affirmative.
"Maybe I'll try it out. Maybe."

I tried for non-committal, but she was already grabbing a bottle for me to take and digging around the samples for some toner and moisturizer for me to try as well. This came home with me and I vowed, deep down in my heart and soul, that I would return the hell out of it and she would feel my wrath if the claims of water-solubility were bogus.
There was no reason for me to be so melodramatic.
While this stuff has a scent that reminds me of my grandmother's Avon face cream, and a heavy opaque container that gives me absolutely no indication of how much is left, it's everything I was looking for. It's a gentle, moisturizing cleanser that actually takes up makeup like a cleansing oil and rinses away cleanly. No pore-clogging residue, no double-cleansing, and no "holy crap, what do I do if this gets in my eyes!".

Did I return it? No, I've been using it for the past three months. Would I recommend it? Hell yeah. ish. I really like this cleanser, it's doing everything I wanted, but the price is a bit of a sticking point. At $45 for 5oz, it's the most expensive of the cleansers I tried, and more than a 5oz bottle of Shu Cleansing Oil Premium A/I would cost with shipping. I figure I'm paying for the convenience of being able to pick this up at a nearby counter, and as a once a year purchase the extra money isn't going to break me.

Jebus, Help Me

I watched the Shaquille O'Neal opus, Kazaam, to wash away the overwhelming dread brought on by watching Hideo Nakata's Dark Water. Why's it always gotta be children, Hideo?

I should have allowed myself to be haunted by terrifying dreams about zombie ghost children. Now I'm going to be haunted by terrifying dreams about Shaq rapping, pre-teen Weevil from Veronica Mars, and terrible cgi "whimsy". Gah.

When I'm prepared to relive this horror, there will be screenshots. Until then all you really need to know about this movie is that the villian makes Kazaam a rapper (I am not making this up) and at his concert the live band includes a keytar player and a fiddle player:

Actual screenshot from the movie Kazaam

I try, you buy: OPI My Private Jet

subtitle: My 3 Private Jets (or, what the hell is going on in OPI's quality control/quality assurance departments)

My Private Jet (MPJ) is a shade that was originally released with the Night Brights Collection in 2007. As a side note, this collection contained two deep blue shimmer colours that presaged the Chanel Blue Satin craze by at least a year. Anyway, I suspect this collection marks the beginning of my nail polish addiction/hording condition as it was the first one from which I bought every single colour. Buying My Private Jet at this time wound up being a stroke of luck, because it means I am the owner of the highly-coveted "holo" version.

OPI My Private Jet: It's made of rainbows!

It's a charcoal grey with a fine, dense holographic shimmer that OPI uses in many of their Designer Series polishes. It's quite sheer, requiring at least three coats for total opacity.

Everyone likes My Private Jet; it's edgy grey, it's fun holographic, it predicts corn yields, etc. They rerelease it. Unfortunately, much like Buffy's return on UPN, it just wasn't the same. Yes, it had the name and the packaging was right. But, whatever it was that made the first run so special and beloved was missing. Just like with Buffy. I mean, just look at this:

Dude, where's my holo?

Sure, the brown-grey base is nice, there's a fun blue iridescence, and the silver shimmer has a bit of holographic shine but there's none of the rainbow-y goodness of the original. I found this baffling, because the Designer Series polishes released around the same time were sick with the stuff, and a simple visual inspection would tell the production house that this batch wasn't the same.

One could speculate that this was a cynical attempt to cash in on a loyal and rabid fanbase by people who crossed their fingers and hoped that we wouldn't notice the difference in quality. And, yeah, that Buffy analogy still stands.

You know what, OPI, we totally noticed. We talked about it on the internets, took comparison pictures, and sought out dupes from other brands. That's why it's so wildly uncool that you decided to rerelease yet another version.

A few weeks ago I picked up a bottle of something brown and shimmery at a local OPI-selling place and I think you know where I'm going with this:

Deep brown base, amber iridescence, irregular silver shimmer with a holographic reflection that might actually be a figment of my imagination. There is no reason for this to be called My Private Jet. If the second version was UPN-era Buffy, this guy is a poorly-written fanfic filmed by Joss Whedon and a bunch of the secondary and tertiary characters.

I mean, check out this comparison:

Left to right: Re-release 2, Re-release 1, Original

Left to Right: Re-release 2, Re-release 1, Original

I almost feel like I'm being too harsh. On its own, the most recent version is nice and not quite like anything else currently in my stash. If it had been released as a new shade with one of the recent collections I'd be all over that shit. They could've bumped one of the reds from their current holiday collection and called this "Coal in my stocking" or "Hot Toddy" or something and I would've loved it. Instead, they tried to cash in by producing a substandard version of what was originally great when it seems that they're entirely capable of reproducing the original.

If you're looking for a black/grey polish with holographic shimmer and you can't track down a bottle of the original, there are options:

While none of these have the same rainbow effect that the OPI does, they all at least have a noticeable holographic shimmer. Icing Blackout is a deep glossy black with holographic silver glitter that's chunkier and more sparse than MPJ. Sally Hansen Night Lights in the Hard as Nails Xtreme Wear formula is a dark grey with silver holographic micro-glitter that, again, is more sparse than MPJ. Claire's Quicksand is a brown-grey base with a slight metallic sheen and silver micro-glitter.

While all of these have strong holographic shine, none of these have the same rainbow effect that MPJ does. I assume this is due to the fact that they're glitters as opposed to the silver holo shimmer/pearl that makes up the OPI, and that the shimmer in the OPI is quite dense. If you're after the rainbow, and you're a DIY type, I would pick up a bottle of OPI Designer Series Coronation or its more-holo, but harder to find cousin OPI Paris Couture for Sure. These two have all the holo and none of the colour. They're almost too pigmented to use as a topcoat, but you could probably franken them with a bit of black polish or pigment to simulate the original MPJ.

Netflix Recommends:

Apparently that DVD includes the controversial "Raven & friends go on a killing spree" episode. Or, maybe the "Violent TV Shows" factors in the show's ability to incite violence in the viewer.

I cooked something: Swiss Chard

So, farmer's market season is in full swing. I've been visiting my favourite market since it opened back in May, and the plants and spinach are giving way to a greater variety of produce. Two weeks ago I randomly grabbed a huge bunch of Swiss Chard (which might actually be Rainbow Chard) for just $2 from one of my favourite vendors.

When I buy greens like kale or chard, I usually chop it up and sautee it with a little garlic and finish it off with some sesame oil. With almost two pounds of chard to use I decided to do something different. Some internet searching turned up this recipe at Allrecipes.com. I tweaked it a bit and came up with:

Swiss Chard with White Beans and Goat Cheese

Ingredients:

1.5 tablespoons olive oil
2 cloves of garlic minced
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 large bunch Swiss Chard (with the stems, damnit!)
1 16oz. can of Cannellini beans, drained and rinsed (or, you know prepared dried beans if that's what you're in to)
1 16oz. can of fire roasted tomatoes with green chiles

Soft goat cheese (chavre)

You'd really want to throw this away?

Instructions:

Slice the chard leaves in about 1" strips. Chop the stems separately in 1" pieces.

Heat the oil in a skillet over medium heat. Add the garlic and red pepper flakes; cook and stir about a minute, until fragrant.

Add the chopped stems and cook for about 2 minutes, until they start to get soft. Add the leaves and cook for an additional 2 minutes. Add tomatoes and beans, and cook until the chard is wilted and the mixture has reduced slightly.

Check this shit out

Serve hot and garnish with goat cheese (or don't if you're vegan).

You know you want me.

It's kind of spicy, kind of savory, and totally easy.

I would watch this program

If only it wasn't a Nike ad.

Verisimilitude

I found the story about villagers blocking the Google Street View car mildly amusing, but mostly sort of moronic. It read like a lot of "Boo hoo, people on the internets might see our rich-people houses. Oh, the humanity!"

This, however, fucking rules.


View Larger Map

When the Street View car rolled through a Pittsburgh neighborhood in 2008, residents and people from around the city were ready. Organized by artists Robin Hewlett and Ben Kinsley, several blocks of a residential street were set up with tableaux to create a sort of human-populated Busy World of Richard Scarry. This has been on the internet since November 2008, and I can't believe I'm just seeing it now.

The Street View above shows the route. Follow Sampsonia Way eastbound to Arch St. Click the southbound arrow on Arch once, then get back on eastbound Sampsonia to Federal St. I highly recommend visiting the project website at http://www.streetwithaview.com/. There's information on the project, a full scene breakdown (in case you missed something), and videos.

[Found via John Hodgman's Twitter]

I think I smell a rat...

Thanks to WTF_Nature, I just learned about the Hero Rat program in Africa. Since 1996, the APOPO has been training giant pouch rats to detect landmines; and in 2004 they started training them to detect diseases like TB.



Apparently, I'm the type of person who finds giant rodents adorable; and after clicking over to the Adopt a Rat page, found myself donating to TB-sniffer rat, Kim. Sure, Chosen One was tempting and Allan had the cutest pictures, but all of the other rats had pages of effusive comments. All Kim had was:

Dear Kim,

i wisch I could fondle you someday!

Truly
Britta

Um... I'm guessing that's some sort of translational quirk. But what if it's not? I can't sit idly by and watch while a rat with my same name is subjected to sleazy come-ons.

It's bad enough that her job involves interaction with "sputum".

That's oddly specific

"Violent Documentaries" and "Suspenseful Sci-Fi & Fantasy from the 1980's"?


The new taste preferences on Netflix are weird. The intro page only gave me about 8 "tastes" to rate (Violent, Suspenseful, Romantic, Goofy), but the actual "Taste Preferences"-setting page has 24 different ones to rate. These things seem too weird and objective to really produce useable results. The provided examples are a clear indication that Netflix and I have wildly different definities of these things.

Ugh, I just can't... Patch Adams? Fuck you, Netflix, for reminding me that this abomination exists.

Yep, nothing says romance like hillbillies, dead guys, nautical disaster, whores, the mentally retarded, and Tom Hanks.

I wasn't going to say anything about this one, but Van Helsing? Really? I saw that piece of shit, and I must've gouged my eyes out too early to see the deep emotional subplot.
Also, how the hell is Top Gun listed under "romance", but not Eternal Sunshine? Oh, right, because these listings are nonsensical and useless.

This is where I'm calling total bullshit on these categories. They had the decency to stop listing Crash on every goddamn category, but three Nicholas Cage movies? Now I know they're just fucking around.

It was bad enough when I had to contend with their inexplicable genre-based recommendations, now when I log in I'm met with stuff like this:

Edit to add: I just noticed that in addition to the "tastes" and genres, you can set preferences for an endless number of other things, like "qualities" (which, inexplicably includes Bollywood), storylines, release dates, and all of the Netflix subgenres. One of these days, I'll try and manipulate it so it appears that I'm only interested in Gritty Zombie Blacksploitation Bollywood Tearjerkers that were released in the 1910's or 1980's about Post Apocalyptic Kung-Fu Whistleblowers and are based on Children's Books.
In all honesty, if that was a movie I'd watch the hell out of it.

Experience Aromatherapy as I stitch?

Hell no.

1. "Secret Perfume" sounds like some sort of scented douche. And, if you take away the embroidered towel, the promo pic looks like it's selling some sort of "feminine deodorant".

2. It seems like the scents would intermingle, and you'd have to pick colours based on what fragrances would compliment each other rather than what would be aesthetically pleasing.

3. My cross-stitch projects should have scents that reflect their nature. I don't think I've ever made anything that would be properly represented by synthetic strawberry or honeysuckle. E-mail me again when you start making thread that smells like cigarettes and scotch, DMC.

What would be the right scent for this bookmark?

After watching this video I assumed it was an elaborate joke

If you eat a lot of golfballs you need this toilet!
(thanks David Wain)

from RobHubel

Boo-urns for not being able to embed.

It's seriously ridiculous that anyone might think this will sell toilets. If you're flushing solid waste that's equivalent to 4 complete chess sets or 3.5 pounds of dry dog food, you've got bigger issues than your toilet.

The parent site looks legit, but I'm not convinced that this isn't some sort of elaborate joke.

You bitches made me miss the Daily Show

Dear McDonald's,

For the love of all that is good and decent in this world, stop showing that goddamn commercial with the singing fish. You missed the idiotic singing rubber fish craze by about 10 years. Yesterday I tripped and skinned my elbow diving to change the channel. Today I muted the television and forgot to un-mute until halfway through the Colbert Report.

Please stop airing this ad. The thought of anyone eating a McDonald's sandwich makes me want to vomit, and the song makes me want to buy a gun and blow out my brains.

For reals, just stop.

Sincerely,
Kjhymn

Grandma may not know what the hell Bluetooth is...

...but that doesn't mean she can't still walk around looking like a total douchebag.

Thank you, Loud 'n Clear



I know what all my bingo-playing lady friends are getting for their birthdays.

I can't believe I'm actually making a Velociraptor tag

Come on, Velociraptor needs a new pair of shoes.

Velociraptor Roulette

via MetaFilter

It's roulette of velociraptors that appears to utilize public Flickr accounts and occasionally makes no sense.

Sometimes when you win, you actually sort of lose:

What kind of sorry excuse for a velociraptor is this?

And, sometimes a loss is awesome:

I don't eat the cows, but I would eat that sandwich.

Previously in Velociraptor-based games: The velociraptor game inexplicably linked to an actual bunk-bed store.

I am not a number. I am a free man!

I got summoned for jury duty. It comes in an envelope with "Official Jury Duty Summons" printed on the outside in big block letters. As if knowing that your mail carrier saw it is going to pressure you into serving. My motivation was less civic duty and more the shitstorm I call my job. A month ago, the prospect of getting out of work for a few days--even for jury duty--seemed like a positive.

How wrong I was.

So, the first day everybody's there at 8:30 and we're all herded into an auditorium-type room with nowhere near enough seats. Some high-ranking court official came out and gave a pep talk that was all "it's not like Law & Order... this is your civic duty... no one's too important to serve". The main thing that I remember was that at one point he compared jury duty to the draft; when I got the summons, my first instinct was to burn it up. Then there was an instructional video that reiterated his points (minus the draft thing). A person from the Blood Center came out and attempted to guilt us all in to giving blood while waiting to be called. Guh. I think it's a cool program, but pictures of sick children who will be receiving my life-giving blood will not motivate me.

And then you wait. Forever.

If you ever show up for jury duty, bring a book, a laptop,MP3 player, homework, work work, portable DVD player, mildly offensive cross-stitch project. Something to keep you occupied while you wait. The waiting game is particularly inspired on the court's part. By the time they call your name, you're actually relieved that there's something to break the monotony. The prospect of entering a courtroom and watching stuff is appealing. That feeling wears of just as you're taking a seat in the jury box.

If you were unfortunate enough to get a low number (juror #5, bitches!), there is a very good chance that you will get picked. People will tell you all sorts of outlandish things to do to get kicked off of a jury; say you're racist, tell the judge you hear voices, dress like a hobo, commit a felony. While some or all of these may work, there's no reason to get all weird and lie--unless you are a racist schizophrenic hobo felon. You can read the complete works of the Marquis de Sade or blast NWA's Fuck tha Police from your MP3 player all you want, but unless you're doing it in front of the judge it's not going to affect your chances of serving.

Based on the first jury I was dismissed from, there are some things that will get you tossed from the jury:

1. Know somebody else on the jury. They take the "don't talk about the case outside of the deliberation room" thing very seriously. It could be a coworker you don't actually know or a former neighbor you haven't seen in 15 years; if they think there's a chance you'll be gabbing about the case over lunch you're out of there.
2. Have something that could make you identify with one side. I'm not talking about race or gender, although I'm assuming that comes in to play. If things in your life that you've seen or done or had done to you could make you sympathetic to the plaintiff or defendant, you're out. It's called bias, people, exploit it. Don't want to serve on the armed robbery trial? Tell the judge about the time you were mugged walking home. Or that your BFF is a police officer. Or that you work the night shift at a gas station. You can swear up and down on a stack of bibles that it won't affect your judgement, but you won't have to stick around for opening statements.
   
3. Have a job that you'll keep on doing. This was actually my out on the two juries I was thrown in to. It's unlikely that you'll be sequestered, and the court can't tell you what to do once you're dismissed for the day. The DA asked if anyone worked third shift during the trial. I took that opportunity to tell them that, if picked, I would probably be going in to work for at least a half day after court every day of the trial. This was 99% true, and the suggestion that I wouldn't be devoting every waking our to their trial of utmost importance was enough to get me kicked off the jury.
4. Get a high juror number. It seems that they just go down the line and take the first 14 that aren't totally egregious. If you're juror #28, you probably don't have to do a goddamn thing but wait it out.

Of course, not getting picked for one jury doesn't mean you're home free. After getting booted from the first jury I was in the hostage room for all of 5 minutes before getting called for the second one. When I weaseled my way out of that one, I was told to come back the next day. Shit.

The second day jury pool was made up of left over non-picked jurors from the first day with no reinforcements. Anyone still not picked by lunch was allowed to go home, but I was left wondering if I shouldn't have just followed the advice of a certain saucy puppet show.

Hope over fear

On my last trip to Mitsuwa, I took a stroll down the "refrigerated/frozen fish product with packaging that's mostly or only in Japanese" aisle. Maybe I was giddy at the prospect of taking home a kabocha to roast; maybe it was a shopper's high from the morning trip to IKEA; or, maybe it was just that deep-seated sense of masochism that drives me to do awful things to myself. Whatever the reason, I bought fish sausage.

I recalled seeing them on Elyse Sewell's livejournal, but couldn't remember her comments. I most likely disregarded whatever it was, thinking, "bwah, I'll never be in a position to eat fish sausage." If only I had known.

Those pink things in the picture there? Those are the sausages. I didn't realize that when I bought them. For some reason, I thought those were some sort of flower garnish. That doesn't really make sense, but then again, neither does fish sausage.



Aside from the heating (not cooking, mind you) instructions, the thing that really struck me about this instructional business is the nonchalant notice there there's skin fragments in these things. I've purposely eaten fish skin before (yes, Mr. Sushi Chef, I would like some crispy salmon skin), but for some reason it weirded me out in this context.







The package seems so enthusiastic about the different ways of utilizing Fish Sausage! I feel obligated to eat one cold straight from the package. With four sausages in the package and five serving suggestions, one method will have to go un-utilized. That's assuming that I can manage to choke down four of these things.







So, after a month in my fridge, I finally decided to crack these bad boys open. About the size of an army-grade glowstick, they don't seem so tough.

And then you crack it open. I wouldn't call them pungent, but when you get in close there's a distinct smoked fish scent. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of smoked fish. Not just hoity toity smoked salmon (or lox or gravlax). I eat canned kippers for dinner sometimes. A common childhood snack was a head-still-attached smoked chubs that my dad would bring home from the store. I'm not a-feared of the fish.


Of course, grinding up that fish and putting it in "sausage" form is a whole other thing. Sweet Jebus. It had the texture of a hot dog without the casing. Kind of soft; slightly gelatinous. I'll be honest: it squicked me out.

I almost feel like I could eat these. While following the suggested cooking suggestions might improve on the texture, I feel like the flavour couldn't really be helped. It was as if someone combined smoked fish and hot dog, and then made it sort of bland.

A review of Elyse's post suggests that she feels similarly, although her's is an ambivalent appreciation. I suspect if I had access to garlic chili flavoured fish sausage with adorable cartoon crabs, I too would learn to love fish sausage. Or maybe I'd still find it weird.

I plan on using the remaining three sausages; cooking, frying, grilling in an attempt to make this thing somewhat palatable to me.

One of these things is not like the others...

Can you spot it?

Click for the full-sized picture.

I added Fritz the Cat to my Netflix queue, and these are the most similar movies that popped up. In this context one seems very, very wrong.