I'm so in to you: 2/18/08

I just saw an abbreviated version of this commercial on TV. When I saw the eyes and the barking cat, I was convinced that it was made by David Lynch. It's not. Congratulations, Noam Murro, you've out-Lynched David Lynch.


Do you recognize this man? If so, you're clearly a person of discerning taste. If not, please acquaint yourself with Onion columnist, Smoove B. He's a love man who will freak you all night long. Be sure to check out the Smoove Boudoir. Sadly, the links to the Keith Sweat and K-Ci & JoJo websites don't actually work.



Grey nail polish. Grey is the new black, which is the old blue.
Yes, that's my pasty white claw. That nail polish? I made it. It's 5 parts black to 1 part white. If you're not the DIY type, Kiss has a grey out now and China Glaze is coming out with one called Recycle next month.

Lancome Pixel Pink lipstick. Unlike P.S. Kiss (which I like, but don't love), this is a great throw on and go colour. I ordered it online, so I got it a few weeks early, I wrangled a kick-ass GWP, and I didn't have to deal with the less-than-helpful Lancome boutique staff. If you want your own, call Bergdorf Goodman, Neiman Marcus, or a Lancome Boutique (but, seriously, don't) and see if you can still get one.


King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters. A documentary about guys playing "classic" video games. Normally, I mock this type of thing, but the documentary was oddly compelling. Yes, it was way too easy to root for Steve and hate Billy, but it doesn't actually matter. Even if you don't give a fuck about who has the world record, the peripheral kooks make it worth your time. There's a guy named Steve Sanders. Like, on 90210.

The Happy Smile Super Challenge Family Wish Show

So, I went to watch that Japanese guys dressed as lemons video and saw that it had gotten pulled from YouTube. Damn assholes. While nothing could possible replace the pure, unadulterated insanity of that clip, these ones might be a start.

According to the helpful YouTube commentators, the product is called Yaki Choko, or Fried Chocolate.


Yes, the animals suddenly sprout gigantic breasts. And, yes that raccoon has giant balls.


I don't really believe this one is actually Japanese. It has the look of something made to resemble foreigners' perceptions of Japanese TV. Of course, it might be 100% accurate and I'm just an idiot.

I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product

I will post the rest of my San Francisco pictures eventually. Seriously.

Until then, I'm wasting time pondering the insanely asinine "tax credit" that I refuse to believe wasn't inspired by the Futurama episode, "Three Hundred Big Boys".

On the one hand: Woo! free money!

On the other: Are you fucking kidding me? Hasn't "trickle-down" economics been debunked like the Loch Ness Monster or the Pop Rocks + CocaCola = explosion thing? Goddamnfuckingsonofabitch. Who actually thinks that this shit is going to stimulate the economy?

Of course, it's a moot point for me, because I owe money. I don't know how the hell this happens, but I made less money than last year and somehow have to pay almost $500 that I don't have. I'm tempted to mail in my return this year so I can include a check that says "Go fuck yourselves".

Come on feel the lemonheads

The only thing I actually understood was "music-u start-o!" I seriously have no idea what the hell is going on in this thing.

Thanks to the comments on YouTube and TV in Japan, where I originally saw this, I have learned that the muscular one is Kinnikun Nakayama.

I've watched this clip seven times, and I still have no clue what's going on. Are Kinnikun and the short one supposed to be extreme sour flavour? What's with the powder and the screaming? And, is that food on the table soba noodles or cake or cake made of soba noodles? This shit is going to keep me up at night.

This feels scab-y

I have watched one episode each of the mid-strike Daily Show, Colbert Report, and Late Night. While quality clearly suffered from lack of writers, they were all amusing in their own way. I understand the reasons for three writer guy hosts to go back to work during the strike, but as I watched there was a part of me that was all, "Oooh, what's next? You gonna buy some Nikes? Wanna vote republican?"

I think that was my conscience, and it was annoying as fuck.

So, I haven't watched any of those shows in weeks. I was going to totally forget about them until the strike was over.

And then, while reading blogs at work today, I learned about the "feud". The fight is funny, if a tad homoerotic, but the real gem is the archival footage of Conan on Jon Stewart's short-lived talk show.

At least I didn't use the clip from NBC's website.

Dude...

I'm a little late to the party, but I just read about Isabella Rossellini's series of short films about creepy-crawlies having sex. That's right: bugs, insects, and other animals (like frickin' snails) gettin' down.

I'm equal parts disturbed and intrigued.

If the promo stills are any indication of what the final product will actually be like, then "intrigued" will win out. Really, how can I resist this:


It's Isabella Rossellini dressed as a fucking bee. I defy you to look at that picture and not want to watch whatever it's from.

Ahh, Isabella Rossellini, you beautiful, crazy-ass bitch. With so many reasons to love you--your age-defying skin, the appearance on The Simpsons, your uncanny resemblance to a young Dave Foley--you don't need to make goofy bug porn to amuse me.

Especially not when I have this clip from 30 Rock to watch:

Total. Fucking. Bullshit.

Ahh, David Lynch, you're the fantasy version of my dad.



I will be following your quiona cooking instructions as soon as I can watch that video all the way through. Seriously, it freaks me the fuck out.