I've never really believed in "God". I didn't come from an overly-religious family, so there wasn't really any pressure to believe one way or the other. My brother and I were pretty much left to draw our own conclusions. As a result, I'm an atheist and he's some sort of non-specific Christian.
When I was younger, the notion of some all-powerful being who cares about humanity and watches over us seemed unrealistic. If I was omnipotent, I wouldn't be watching a bunch of shaved apes eat lunch and go to work and use the toilet; I'd be doing something so super-cool they couldn't even imagine it. Besides, if you're all-knowing, you wouldn't need to stick around and see how the whole Earth thing works out.
When I actually read The Bible, it portrayed God as sort of an asshole. Kicking Adam & Eve out of Eden because they did something His allegedly-omnipotent ass knew would happen? Flooding the world to destroy humanity because He's sick of those sons of bitches? Screwing around with magic tricks while the Hebrews were enslaved? Job? Don't even get me started on the whole "letting His only son get killed by the Romans" thing.
Anyway, I've never been able to find any reason to believe in the loving God that Christianity pushes.
Not until today.
I get home from work, go the The Superficial, and see Paris Hilton is going to jail. If God does in fact exist, I believe he works under the name Judge Michael T. Sauer. Maybe this is like one of those Bible stories where there are years of toil and torment, and then when we've given up hope the smiting begins. If so, I want Rachel Ray and Lindsay Lohan to be next.
Still, as happy as this makes me, I'm not going out and getting baptized just yet. We still have to see if that skank actually serves any time, and I'm skeptical. I mean, didn't Jesus have a thing for whores?
Note: I was going to make some comment about Paris getting fisted by her cellmate, but you could probably drive a bus through her. Plus, I'm too classy for that.
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