Five for 5: Japanese Snack Food

For my most recent J-List order, I picked a combination of stuff that I thought I might actually like and stuff with funny names. I then spent the past two weeks eating weird snacks so you might not have to.

Asse Chocolates - I apparently have the special winter edition of these, as evidenced by the snowflakes on the box. I don’t know if these come in different flavours or what. These chocolates are the shape and size of an Andes mint, but with art deco-esque etchings instead of the Andes logo.

Going by the picture, I thought that these might be dark chocolate over aerated milk chocolate. So very wrong. These were milk chocolate with a thin nougat center. I hate nougat. The chocolate isn’t bad, but when you bite into the bar, you mostly get that unpleasant powdery nougat texture. In an attempt to make it more palatable to me, I snapped a piece off of one and let it melt on my tongue. It had a nice taste and the nougat melted along with the chocolate. Still, I’m too impatient to eat all 18 pieces that way. And, while I can justify that slow burn method with dark chocolate, it’s just not the same with milk.

Before I opened the box, I couldn't decide if the "18" below the red box was the number of pieces or the age limit for purchase.



Cream Collon - These snacks are rolled wafers filled with a sugary “cream”. Imagine the cream in an Oreo, but less dense. I’m not sure how I feel about these. I like to crispy wafer, but the cream left a lot to be desired. The more I think about it, the more I realize that they’re a lot like Pepperidge Farms Pirouette cookies or Japanese Toppo sticks.

J-List doesn't have the plain cream version in stock, but there's a melon flavoured variety if you're into what I think is cantaloupe.

I can’t believe I missed this bit of information from another website: “Hold them between your lips suck gently and out pops the filling. Oooh what fun!” Had I known, these cookies may have been a lot more enjoyable for me. I could’ve spit out the cloyingly sweet “cream” and just enjoyed the wafer aspect. Yes, there's a blowjob joke in there, but I'm not going to make it.

Also of interest is this graphic from the box. Based on the picture and the slogan "Wholesome life in the best of taste", I'd guess that Collon is meant to be the snack of marathon runners.




Curry Pretz - Pretz is a stick-type snack from the makes of Pocky that comes in a variety of flavours. I was going to make a savory/unsavory joke about Pretz and Pocky until I realized that in addition to the salty food variety, there are a few sweet flavours of Pretz. No, wait, I can still make that joke. Pocky is Pretz’s unsavory sibling. Hmm, not as amusing as I originally thought.

Anyway, Pretz sticks are the delicious love child of a pretzel and a grissini. This flavour comes with four pouches in each box. I enjoy a curry, but I was a little worried, as the box graphic looks like a spoon full of cheese-topped chili. Once I popped open the pouch I got the distinct scent of curry powder. The spice was extremely mild, and after eating three of the sticks, I realized that it was more salty than anything. Once I’d finished the pouch, I noticed a slight curry-laced aftertaste, but I was disappointed.



New York Cheesecake Pucca Chocolate - Despite the name, these contain no chocolate.

I chose these because they seemed to combine two seemingly disparate items: cheesecake and goldfish crackers. Upon opening the bag, I was greeted by a strong scent not unlike canned buttercream icing. This was not an auspicious start. The cracker part was nice and crisp, like the pretzel version of goldfish crackers. The cream filling was dense, but had a slightly gritty texture. It also somehow managed to be both cloyingly sweet and bland.

I ate three or four of the fish, and then threw the rest away. Next time, I’ll go for the March of Koala snacks. They’re similar, but have a smoother filling.



Mustard Cratz Pretzel & Almond - From the fine people at Glico, this is a mix of pretzel pieces and whole almonds. The pretzels had a nice crunchy texture that reminded me of Synders sourdough pretzels. There weren't a ton of almonds, but enough that I was satisfied.

When I ordered these, I didn't pay close enough attention and assumed that they were honey mustard flavoured. I had been hoping for something akin to Synders Honey Mustard & Onion pretzels with almonds. Not so much. These are flavoured like brown mustard. There's even a picture on the package to make that perfectly clear.

I'm not a lover of brown mustard, yet even as I was repulsed by these, they were so good that I wanted to eat more. In the end, I at half the pretzels, which are really packed with mustard flavour, and all of the almonds, and resolved to buy another flavour to try.

While I didn't buy this one for the name, some of the stuff on the packaging has been amusing me for days. The slogan "Enjoy after 9 relax time with crunchy OTSUMAMI snack." is such perfect Engrish you'd think they did it on purpose.

They even offer a helpful serving suggestion on the back. I used a plate, but drew the line at drinking my beer out of a glass.