Notes from the Laundromat

While I was doing a massive amount of laundry the other day, I was forced to listen to whatever crap happened to be playing on the TV at the laundromat-cum-tanning salon that I sometimes go to. (Note: I go for the laundry, not the tanning.) While I was tempted to sit in my car and listen to the [shudder] radio, that would've been totally wasteful. Plus, I need to watch the dryers and make sure that my stuff is drying properly.

Don't judge me.

Anyway, being forced to overhear conversations and the shit on TV taught me some things:

• In A Beautiful Mind, Russell Crowe sounds a lot like Foghorn Leghorn. Like, exactly.
  


• I fucking hate A Beautiful Mind and all its schmaltzy bullshit so much. Arrested Development is the only thing that keeps me from wanting to punch Ron Howard in the face. Well, Arrested and his appearances on The Simpsons. Ahh, Opie, you belong on TV.
  


• Children are terrible, but stupid non-disciplining parents who'd rather have an endless phone conversation about the price of parking are worse. Gawddamnit, lady, either leave the kid at home or make it stop running around and playing with the washer doors.


• The movie P.S. I Love You looks like another horrible, insulting, vaguely misogynistic "romantic comedy", and it makes me rage uncontrollably. My mother's going to love it, and tell me all about how much she loved it. And then "joke" about marrying me off. I hate you, chick movies.
  


• Once you mis-hear P.S. I Love You as "Penis, I Love You", you can never un-hear it.


• Some people are just total douchebags. Case in point: When some women handing out free Red Bull came around, this a-hole bitched about them not having sugar free and then gave them a "[loud dramatic sigh] I guess I'll take one." You son of a bitch, they're offering you free Red Bull. Take it or don't take it, but don't act like a colossal bastard.
  


• Beyonce singing "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend" is the second-most hideous thing a person could be forced to hear. The second or third time that ad came on, I briefly made eye contact with some guy who looked just as terrified/nauseated as I felt. Looks like Armani cosmetics is going on my "Do Not Buy" list. Damnit, I really wanted to try the shaping foundation.
  


• Meg Ryan shrilly whining about her finance and her hate of the French is the first most hideous thing that a person could ever be forced to hear. I'm tempted to learn just what that movie was so I can track down the people responsible and go all Patrick Bateman on them. I suppose I should just take comfort in the fact that Meg Ryan and her hideous plastic surgery is no longer making movies.
  

What have I learned from all this? Do laundry at my building, so I can play Katamari during the dryer cycle. And, don't let the laundry build up so much that you need the giant load washers to get everything done in a reasonable amount of time. Also, that most people are horrible. Unless it's Ron Howard on a TV comedy airing on Fox.