I Try, You Buy: CuCu Cute Cube Candy

Once again, my Japanese candy buying leaves me with something that I find entirely unappealing. I have only myself to blame.

Not having any knowledge of the Japanese language (spoken or written) means I'm usually buying these things based on:
1. Pictures on the packaging
2. Prior knowledge of a product
3. The mandatory English-language ingredients label on the back (there's usually a cursory translation of the product).

I picked up this candy thinking it was some sort of red bean/green tea chewy candy. That was only partially correct.

What I got was a hard candy that was all creamy matcha flavour. It was like a green tea Werther's Original. Yarg.

I don't know if a different texture or a more pronounced red bean flavour would have helped make this more palatable to me, but I definitely found this lacking. Plus, the Werther's-iness didn't help (I hate those things).

I'm sure part of the problem is that I prefer the sweet, citrusy "green tea"-type flavours typically found in American candy to the more authentic matcha flavour produced here.

I shared these with co-workers who had similar feelings.

The one area in which this candy completely delivered for me was the "Cute" aspect. Check this out:

It's a dog made of candy!

Not to mention some of the individual wrappers:

A candy dachsund and a candy shiba inu? Love!

What it is:
A 1/2" cube of matcha-flavoured hard candy

Who should buy it:
People who like matcha; people who love pictures of dogs made out of candy

Who shouldn't buy it:
People (like me) who don't like creamy matcha flavours; people (again, like me) who hate Werther's Originals

Cost: I think this was around $2 at Mitsuwa; being too dumb to tell that this wasn't chewy before I bit in to it? Priceless.

Pokemon

Source: Johnny Wander (via Reddit)

I thought this was pretty cute, but the pedantic biology nerd that dwells deep within me rages every time one of my Pokemon "evolves".

Just got Chang'ed

Chet Manley, a commenter over at WarmingGlow made these animated gifs from last night's Community. I imagine they'll be all over the place in a matter of days (hours? I don't know how internet time works any more), but I'm putting them here instead of bookmarking so I can have quick access.

Awwww, yeah.

The whole "Chang gets greased up and goes in the vents" thing instantly made me think of the Simpsons episode, "Sweet Seymour Skinner's Badassss Song". Unfortunately, I couldn't find a clip of Groundskeeper Willie chasing Santa's Little Helper in the air ducts. Someday I'll stop being such a lazy bastard and learn how to make my own video clips.

Drinksgiving 2010: Aftermath

I'm pleased to say that I made it through all 9 booze groups this year:

Beer - Furthermore Fallen Apple
Brandy - [substitution] Knob Creek Bourbon & Soda
Cordial - Coffee & Peppermint Mocha Kahlua
Gin - Tanquery Rangpur & Tonic
Rum - Bacardi & Diet Coke
Tequilla - Jose Cuervo Tequilla Sunrise
Vodka - Bloody Mary with Absolut
Whiskey - Glenlivet Nadurra 16 year Scotch
Wine/Sake - Boniko Sake

If you're going to engage in a day-long drinkathon, remember to eat and stay hydrated. My Thanksgiving day meal wound up being a batch of homemade spicy squash macaroni & cheese (my MI:5 watching a few years ago taught me something, something fats and alcohol) and a bunch of plain vegetable sides (healthy, to offset the booze consumed). I stocked the fridge with a few litres of water and a big container of coconut water, and rehydrated like a marathon runner.

Then, there are the movies. With this year's theme, I was initially concerned that I wouldn't be able to find enough movies to watch and would be stuck watching the first three Resident Evils and a slew of Pokemon movies. So. Very. Wrong. Much like last year, I wound up with a stack of movies that I couldn't fit in. I thought that watching that many crap-ass movies would kill my urge to watch any more, but before the weekend is over I know that I'll be watching Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li.

Drinksgiving 2010

Movie 1: Resident Evil
Drink: Coffee with Peppermint Mocha Kahlua (cordial)

Sweet Jebus, I love this Peppermint Mocha Kahlua.

0824: I've seen this movie so many times, and I always seem to forget that the first 30 minutes exist.

0830: Also, did that computer animation (like, the maps and shit) look sophisticated when this was made?

0837: That's right; there's really no point in watching this until the killer laser hallway. Possibly no reason to continue, but I started this and I'm going to end it.

0852: I love movie/TV labs with their flasks full of brightly colored water.

0901: Gah! Hair and fingernails do not continue to grow, you stupid movie computer brain thing. Don't base your fake movie science around something that's debunked by 5th grade science class.

0923: Oh, Paul WS Anderson, you're all inexplicable musical cues and shoddy attempts at misdirection. Don't ever change.

0935: My copy of this movie has all three on a single DVD. I can't tell if the first one ended and the second started without end credits, or if this movie is actually still going.

0937: No, that movie was totally over.

Movie 2: Max Payne
Drink: Bloody Mary (vodka)

0939: WTF? Did this DVD just play a non-smoking ad? More WTF? Don Draper and Jennifer Connoly were in the Day the Earth Stood Still remake?

0951: Marky Mark's opening narration - he's doing the Christian Bale Batman thing. I wonder if he talks like that for the entire movie.

1000: He doesn't, but Mila Kunis up in this bitch.

1008: Most of what I remember about the game is shooting shit. Were the druggy winged-shadow freakouts part of the game?

1017: Beau Bridges & Chris O'Donnell? This movie has the weirdest cast.

1053: For a guy who's supposed to be all pissed off and vengance-y, Marky Mark is profoundly bland.

1113: As much as the acting sucks and the plotline is incomprehensible, this movie looks amazing.

1119: Drink 3: Tequila Sunrise (tequila) And I should amend my previous comment. The set design looks amazing, the fire & demon cgi looks like ass.

Movie 3: Double Dragon

1140: You can play online here: http://nintendo8.com/game/745/double_dragon/ I got so distracted playing that I totally forgot that I was watching a movie

1144: I knew Scott Wolf was in this, but I didn't know that Robert Patrick would be the stereotypical 90's villain.

1151: I love movies that show us recent past as the future. Silly movie, there aren't any station wagons to convert in to rocket cars any more. Strangely, Vanna White and George Hamilton of 2007 did still look exactly like they did in 1994.

1205: So instead of being burly adult martial arts experts like in the video games, the movie brothers are teenage mutant ninja turtles in human form.? And the Asian one grows up to be the Chairman on Iron Chef America?

1229: I just realized that Robert Patrick's blazer has a zipper. This movie would be way more engaging if it focused on him instead of Scott Wolf, Chairman Kaga, and Alyssa Milano.

1243: Goddamnit. If you've got a necklace that someone is trying to steal from you, maybe you shouldn't wear it around your neck on the outside of your fucking shirt.

1250: "Now Who's the Boss?" Really, movie?

1351: After a break to cook and get some air, I'm back on track.
Movie 4: Tomb Raider 2
Drink 5: Gin & Tonic- I had Drink 4 (Rum & Diet Coke) during Double Dragon

1401: Why do the "prized artifacts" in these types of movies always look like something bought from a Hammacher Schlemmer catalogue?

1403: She punched a shark in the face. There is no way that this movie could get better than that.

1438: I finally figured it out: Her tech guy is Seth Green + BJ Novak + British

1458: I feel like this is the second thing I've watched this week that featured someone making a getaway by hang gliding. That has got to be the worst means of escape ever.

1510: Ugh, I get it she's in Africa. Is it really necessary to drive the point home by showing them drive past herds of animals? This movie feels long enough.

1520: What the hell? It's like the movie just turned in to The Descent or something.

1547: Movie 5 - Mortal Kombat
Drink 6: Bourbon & Soda (I'm substituting this for the bourbon/cognac broup)
I don't know why I was surprised when this opened with the bad techno Moral Kombat song. Also, you can't sit straight up with you wake up from a dream. It's physiologically impossible.

1557: The first appearance of Christopher Lambert gives me hope that this movie will be hysterically bad.

1658: Suspicion confirmed. Also, what's up with these martial arts movies where two buys fight, but wait while their opponent get his/her fighting stance right?

1727: I don't know how much more I can take, but
Movie 6: Hitman
I'm just finishing off that Bourbon, and I'm going to drink a litre of water

1823: This movie has turned out to be surprisingly watchable. It's probably related to my having recently finished Deadwood.
Drink 7: Glenlivet Nadurra 16-year scotch

1903: Movie 7: Super Mario Brothers
I remember seeing ads for this when it came out, and even as a child I thought it looked like shit.

1940: This movie doesn't make any damn sense. I thought the Goombas were mushroom things. Luigi is wearing red, and Mario is in grey. It was pretty damn satisfying to see Dennis Hopper try to kill John Leguazamo.
Unrelated to this movie, but I don't know why I just thought of it: something I was watching previously used the sound of bowling pins benig knocked down when some guy fell down the stairs. I think it was Mortal Kombat.

2002: This movie is like someone took all of the sets and costumes from Total Recall and decided to attempt to cram a horrible, money-grubbing videogame adaptation in to it.

2033: This movie just had a shot of the World Trade Center towers disintegrating. That was the last thing I expected to see today.

2036: That wind-up toy bomb had a bizarre product placement thing for Reebok. And holy carp, Lance Henricksen! There's a part of me that wants to watch this movie forever and try to figure out what the hell was going on.

2107: Movie 8: Street Fighter
Drink 9: Furthermore Fallen Apple Ale
Jebus, how much of the budget for this film go towards sound effects artists and Van Damme's hair dye?

2216: I was going to attempt to watch the new Street Fighter tonight, but this one just doesn't end. What did the budget of this film go towards? It sure as hell wasn't a script, special effects, or production design.

Drinksgiving Begins

So, Thanksgiving was always my most hated holiday. There was church, a long drive up to a relative's house, an overly-long dinner during which I'd be forced to engage in dumb-ass card games and conversation while my brother could sit in another room and watch football.

The best Thanksgiving until last year was the time my mom went out of town and, after driving around and finding no grocery stores or restaurants open, my dad and I dropped off my brother at home and went to see American Movie. Previously, I would dream of spending the day at home watching The Iron Giant on Cartoon Network's day-long marathon. Movies seem to be the only good things that I associate with Thanksgiving. With that in mind, it's no surprise that once I was allowed to observe the holiday however I wanted, I chose a day of drinking of movie-watching.

Last year, I twittered. This year, I'm going for a dual twitter/liveblog thing.

So they're still talking about this?

Today, Ebert's twitter directed me to a HuffPo article about the MarieClaire flap (one of the mag's bloggers registered her disdain for fatties). At the time this originally went down, I mentally filed it under "Whateva" because: 1) I can't register shock over the notion that someone who works in a "fashion"-related field hates fat people; and 2) Until that point, I hadn't realized that MarieClaire was still around.

I'm guessing the second point is what this whole thing was really all about: A person on the internet starts an uproar and gets a lot of attention after making a statement designed to provoke. I believe the kids call this "trolling". Well played, magazine troll. You've given your mag a new-found visibility and ensured that the TV show you were promoting will get a sympathy-fuck bump in viewership.

I Try, You Don't Buy: Banana Flavored Snack

Subtitle: What the shitting hell?

So I have a bad habit of buying whatever I find amusing when I go to an "ethnic" (guh, I hate that word) grocery store. A recent acquisition came from a local Korean market where I buy home made kimchi and pre-cooked veggies for bibimbap (because I'm a lazy, lazy bastard).
Behold Banana Flavored Snack:

Note: That monkey looks terrified.

For about $1.50 I purchased what I was led to believe would be a delightful snack. The unripeness of the anthropomorphic banana should have been a clear indication that I was very wrong.

Upon opening the package I was treated that the familiar scent of synthetic banana. If you have ever had any sort of banana flavoured candy, you will know all about this banana-ish, but not quite right scent. If, however, you've lived a pure life of nothing but actual bananas you will have no idea what you're smelling.

Moving past the scent, and overcoming my new craving for some Laffy Taffy, I dared to actually try one.

You know those corn starch packing peanuts that dissolve in water? These have the same shape, size, and texture. In fact, after the tasting I threw one in a bowl of water and it dissolved in exactly the same way the packing peanuts do. In retrospect, this isn't all that surprising since ingredient #1 is "Corn Flour".

This is after 30 seconds, so it actually dissolves faster than packing peanuts.

The stupider among you might be reading this thinking that upon tasting there's going to be some sort of redemption. Like in that piece of shit, Crash, when racist #8 does something slightly less racist at the end. Well, shit. What the hell's wrong with you? Crash? Why the hell do you have to go and get me all angry about that again? I'm already angry about wasting $1.50 on these horrible snacks.
Yes, they were horrible. Packing peanut texture with synthetic banana flavour and salt. Think about that for a minute: Banana and salt. They don't compliment each other like other sweet/salt combos. Maybe it's because the banana in this case isn't actually sweet. Or, maybe it's because there's a noticeable delay between the two and what you wind up tasting is fake banana aftertaste and salt. Or maybe it's just an annoyance that I should try to put behind me. Like that movie, Crash.

Who's it for?
Judging by the ingredients listing on the back, it's geared towards Spanish- and possibly Portuguese-speaking people.


Who might like it?
Masochists, synthetic banana enthusiasts, people who've wondered what it would be like to eat one of those packing peanuts.

Who should buy it?
Nobody. Not "just to try", not as a joke, not as a cruel prank, not even as packing material (the flavour seems to be a sprayed on glaze). Just don't do it.

This is actually happening right now

Roger Ebert is a prolific and entertaining Twitter-er. It is because of him I have spent the past hour watching Arizona Congressional Candidate, Thomas J. Zaleski, go ballistic on Twitter.

Holy fucking hell. This guy is seriously unbalanced. Check this shit:

The comment at the top? It was in response to this:
Yeah. Someone asks a serious, legitimate question and he goes nuts. I also suspect Zaleski thinks that this user is either Wile E. Coyote or the Acme Sales company from which Wile E. bought all his roadrunner-catching stuff. Which would mean that Zaleski thinks that the old Warner Brothers cartoons are real or somehow based in reality.


Also, this:
was followed by this:
and this:

The first one was lame. The second was unnecessarily cruel, especially since it seemed to be a response to this from Ebert:


At least Zaleski was later able to post this without a trace of irony:

Is this an elaborate hoax? The unsettling ravings of a mentally unbalanced individual? Or just some idiot douchebag running for Congress? I'm not really sure, and crazy random stuff like this doesn't help:

The only thing that I'm sure of in this situation is that the following is most likely true:

Dear Humana Inc.

So, Humana keeps sending me junk mail addressed to my father. There are two big problems with this:
1. My father has never lived at my address. In fact, the most time he ever spent here was that one time he came over to help me put together some Ikea furniture.
2. He's dead.

Yeah, a company selling health insurance can't distinguish living from dead.

I've called their "customer service" a couple times and been sent to various answering machines, so now I'm just going to send them back their latest mailing along with a letter of my own:

Reserved For:

Dear Humana Inc.,

Good news! Did you know that if you act quickly, you can get my father to switch to your Medicare plan?

All you have to do is go back in time before March 2007.

The reason to go back in time is that you may get a better response from somebody who is not deceased.

At present time, my father has no need for your health plans that include prescription drug coverage.

So, unless the benefits of each of your Medicare health plans include time travel, curing cancer, and/or raising the dead in a non-zombie state, you can choke on your Brochure.

My attempts to call you at 1-877-457-2505 or go online to HumanaChoices.com to have my father's name and my address removed from you list have been fruitless.

Please stop this--I don't think it's funny.

Sincerely,

Kjhymn
Daughter of the deceased

P.S. IMPORTANT: If you're trying to sell health insurance, it's best you target people who are alive.

I try, you buy: winter facial cleansers

So, winter is finally upon us. This means: 1) My coat collection once-again sees the light of day. 2) No more of those freakin' ladybugs flying around my apartment. 3) Horrible flaky, scaly dry skin. The combination of wind, cold, and dry air renders my sometimes-normal combination skin dry and flaky. Sure, I could exfoliate more regularly (so. much. effort!). And, I could probably stand to drink more water (but, 'tis the season of peppermint mochas). However, my primary strategy has been to switch to a heavier moisturizer and a more moisturizing facial cleanser.

During the normal-er months, I use Shu Uemura's "Skin Purifier High Performance Cleansing Oil Enriched", or as I like to call it "the orange one". It removes makeup and cleanses my skin in one step, is water-soluble, and doesn't leave any sort of residue behind. It's one of the few products that I automatically repurchase when I run out. Considering this, the obvious choice for a winter, drier skin upgrade would be Shu's "Cleansing Beauty Oil Premium A/I". Of course, I live in a craphole town without a Shu counter (We're living like savages! Savages, I say!), so I decided to seek out more readilly available options for my seasonal cleasers.

Contestant No. 1: Christian Dior Cleansing Milk for Face and Eyes
They say:

This emollient milk is infused with radiance-boosting white tea for skin that's flawless, radiant, and wonderfully soft. For dry and sensitive skin types. [$30]

from Sephora.com

I say: "Hi, I'd like to return this."

Let me just start off by saying, I liked that it had a pleasant light scent, a good texture that wasn't too heavy, and came in a translucent plastic container with a pump. Then I actually tried to use it. There are a few ways that I tried this out:

• Method one was to massage it in to dry skin and then attempt to rinse if off and follow up with whatever toner I was using at the time. This was a big mistake, since, despite what the Dior counter woman insisted, it's totally not water soluble. There was no rinsing away clean, as evidenced by the amount of crud still picked up by my toner (Shiseido Pureness). Boo-urns!
• Method two was to massage it in to dry skin and wipe it away with a cotton pad, follow with toner. This also failed to remove the product.
• Method three was to massage it in to dry skin and follow up with another cleanser. The Dior Cleansing Water I was using at the time wasn't enough, but a Shiseido foaming cleanser I had worked as did my Shu Cleansing Oil. Double cleansing? Hell no.

Result: Failure. Kind of. Testing this stuff on my arm, there's no doubt that it emulsifies with makeup. The problem lies in getting the emulsion off of my skin. I'm not interested in using a good cleanser to remove the mediocre cleanser that I used first and I don't want to just leave it on my skin. I also wasn't thrilled about using it for removing eye makeup. Again, it did lift whatever makeup I had on, but the times I tried it I wound up using a separate eye makeup remover to take it off. If I had drier skin, I would've just used it as a morning cleanser when I want something gentle and don't need to clean off layers of makeup and sunblock.

Did I return it? Yes I did. Would I recommend it? Maybe to someone with drier skin than me, but I would suggest using a separate makeup remover.


Contestant No. 2: LUSH Babyface

They say:

This uplifting and softening little wonder bar is a gentle cleanser with surprisingly powerful results. It's solid so we could avoid using any preservatives whatsoever. The base is made up of a mélange of butters, (shea, cocoa and fresh avocado) that melt and grab hold of makeup and dirt, which wipe away easily with a warm washcloth or one of our nourishing toners on a cotton pad. The uplifting tangerine aroma will put a smile on your face, making your nightly routine something to look forward to. [$9.35]

From lushusa.com

I say: "Not again... What's LUSH's return policy?"

After returning the Dior cleanser, I strolled over to LUSH to check out their cream cleansers, Ultrabland and Babyface. They're essentially the same product; Ultrabland in creamy lotion-y form, Babyface in solid form. My friendly LUSH SA demo'ed both on my arm, instructing me to use a warm washcloth or toner to remove the cleanser. No bogus claims of water solubility--point to LUSH. I went with Babyface because it was the cheaper of the two and the solid bar form seemed like it might be easier to use.
So, once at home I cut off a piece to use and threw the rest in the fridge. Like LUSH's massage bars, Babyface liquifies at body temperature, so you just need to lightly rub it across your face. I didn't notice much of a scent, and it felt a little heavy on my skin. I massaged it in to dry skin and once again found that hot water and toner were not enough to remove all of the residue. In the in-store demo, the LUSH SA used their Tea Tree toner, so a toner meant for oilier skin (read: a more astringent toner) might work better to remove this product.
I spent about two weeks trying to make this cleanser work for me. As with the Dior, I didn't use this on my eye makeup after the first use; and, in the end I concluded that it's just meant for somebody with drier skin than mine.

Did I return it? No, but I gave the unused piece away. Would I recommend it? Same rec as the Dior: for very dry skin, and it needs a separate makeup remover first.


Contestant No. 3: Yves Saint Laurent Cleansing Milky Veil

They say:

This make-up removing milky gel transforms into a fresh fluid, to dissolve all traces of make-up, impurities and pollutants. Enriched with revitalizing Aloe Vera sap and bark of Enantia Chlorantha, it refines and improves the quality of the skin, giving it a pleasant and fresh sensation. Cleansed and invigorated, the skin reveals a pure radiance. [$38.50]

From www.yslbeautyus.com

I say: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me three times, I need to go back to my Shu cleanser."

This was an impulse buy while on a binge at an out of state YSL counter (don't ask). I was buying nail polish and started putzing around with the skincare while the SA rang me up. One thing led to another and I walked away with this cleanser and the cleansing water. Blarg.
Yet again, I got a cleanser that wasn't water-soluble and apparently intended for use as a non-makeup-removing cleanser for people with very dry skin. The scent and texture were both light, and more similar to the Dior cleanser. Like the rest I had trouble removing this with water, and while toner did leave behind some residue it wasn't as bad as the others. The packaging is an attractive translucent bottle with a nice, sanitary pump.

Did I return it? No. Like I mentioned above, out of state YSL counter. I decided to use it up as a morning cleanser, and paired with my alcohol-containing Neutrogena Pore Refining Toner. This actually worked out well; the toner took care of much of the residue and I didn't have to worry about residual gunk festering on my skin while I slept. Would I recommend it? Same as the rest: for dry skin and not recommended for makeup removal.


Contestant No. 4: Chanel Lait Confort Creamy Cleansing Milk

They say:

Comforts dehydrated and sensitive skin with the de-pollution power of Tulip Tree Extract and the hydrating properties of Arum Lily Extract. Non-drying formula thoroughly and comfortably cleanses, soothes and tones, with deep moisturizing effects. [$45]

from chanel.com

I say: "Wait. What? This is actually water-soluble. I'm tempted to call shenanigans, what's the catch?"

I had basically given up on finding a HG winter cleanser when I stumbled upon this product. While checking out the winter collection at my local Chanel counter, I mentioned my search for a winter cleanser to the SA. She grabbed the tester of this cleansing milk and handed it over for my inspection.

"Is it water-soluble?" I asked.
"I'm pretty sure it is," she answered. "Let me check."
She inspected some corporate literature and convo'ed with another SA who actually used the stuff. Both answered in the affirmative.
"Maybe I'll try it out. Maybe."

I tried for non-committal, but she was already grabbing a bottle for me to take and digging around the samples for some toner and moisturizer for me to try as well. This came home with me and I vowed, deep down in my heart and soul, that I would return the hell out of it and she would feel my wrath if the claims of water-solubility were bogus.
There was no reason for me to be so melodramatic.
While this stuff has a scent that reminds me of my grandmother's Avon face cream, and a heavy opaque container that gives me absolutely no indication of how much is left, it's everything I was looking for. It's a gentle, moisturizing cleanser that actually takes up makeup like a cleansing oil and rinses away cleanly. No pore-clogging residue, no double-cleansing, and no "holy crap, what do I do if this gets in my eyes!".

Did I return it? No, I've been using it for the past three months. Would I recommend it? Hell yeah. ish. I really like this cleanser, it's doing everything I wanted, but the price is a bit of a sticking point. At $45 for 5oz, it's the most expensive of the cleansers I tried, and more than a 5oz bottle of Shu Cleansing Oil Premium A/I would cost with shipping. I figure I'm paying for the convenience of being able to pick this up at a nearby counter, and as a once a year purchase the extra money isn't going to break me.

Jebus, Help Me

I watched the Shaquille O'Neal opus, Kazaam, to wash away the overwhelming dread brought on by watching Hideo Nakata's Dark Water. Why's it always gotta be children, Hideo?

I should have allowed myself to be haunted by terrifying dreams about zombie ghost children. Now I'm going to be haunted by terrifying dreams about Shaq rapping, pre-teen Weevil from Veronica Mars, and terrible cgi "whimsy". Gah.

When I'm prepared to relive this horror, there will be screenshots. Until then all you really need to know about this movie is that the villian makes Kazaam a rapper (I am not making this up) and at his concert the live band includes a keytar player and a fiddle player:

Actual screenshot from the movie Kazaam

I try, you buy: OPI My Private Jet

subtitle: My 3 Private Jets (or, what the hell is going on in OPI's quality control/quality assurance departments)

My Private Jet (MPJ) is a shade that was originally released with the Night Brights Collection in 2007. As a side note, this collection contained two deep blue shimmer colours that presaged the Chanel Blue Satin craze by at least a year. Anyway, I suspect this collection marks the beginning of my nail polish addiction/hording condition as it was the first one from which I bought every single colour. Buying My Private Jet at this time wound up being a stroke of luck, because it means I am the owner of the highly-coveted "holo" version.

OPI My Private Jet: It's made of rainbows!

It's a charcoal grey with a fine, dense holographic shimmer that OPI uses in many of their Designer Series polishes. It's quite sheer, requiring at least three coats for total opacity.

Everyone likes My Private Jet; it's edgy grey, it's fun holographic, it predicts corn yields, etc. They rerelease it. Unfortunately, much like Buffy's return on UPN, it just wasn't the same. Yes, it had the name and the packaging was right. But, whatever it was that made the first run so special and beloved was missing. Just like with Buffy. I mean, just look at this:

Dude, where's my holo?

Sure, the brown-grey base is nice, there's a fun blue iridescence, and the silver shimmer has a bit of holographic shine but there's none of the rainbow-y goodness of the original. I found this baffling, because the Designer Series polishes released around the same time were sick with the stuff, and a simple visual inspection would tell the production house that this batch wasn't the same.

One could speculate that this was a cynical attempt to cash in on a loyal and rabid fanbase by people who crossed their fingers and hoped that we wouldn't notice the difference in quality. And, yeah, that Buffy analogy still stands.

You know what, OPI, we totally noticed. We talked about it on the internets, took comparison pictures, and sought out dupes from other brands. That's why it's so wildly uncool that you decided to rerelease yet another version.

A few weeks ago I picked up a bottle of something brown and shimmery at a local OPI-selling place and I think you know where I'm going with this:

Deep brown base, amber iridescence, irregular silver shimmer with a holographic reflection that might actually be a figment of my imagination. There is no reason for this to be called My Private Jet. If the second version was UPN-era Buffy, this guy is a poorly-written fanfic filmed by Joss Whedon and a bunch of the secondary and tertiary characters.

I mean, check out this comparison:

Left to right: Re-release 2, Re-release 1, Original

Left to Right: Re-release 2, Re-release 1, Original

I almost feel like I'm being too harsh. On its own, the most recent version is nice and not quite like anything else currently in my stash. If it had been released as a new shade with one of the recent collections I'd be all over that shit. They could've bumped one of the reds from their current holiday collection and called this "Coal in my stocking" or "Hot Toddy" or something and I would've loved it. Instead, they tried to cash in by producing a substandard version of what was originally great when it seems that they're entirely capable of reproducing the original.

If you're looking for a black/grey polish with holographic shimmer and you can't track down a bottle of the original, there are options:

While none of these have the same rainbow effect that the OPI does, they all at least have a noticeable holographic shimmer. Icing Blackout is a deep glossy black with holographic silver glitter that's chunkier and more sparse than MPJ. Sally Hansen Night Lights in the Hard as Nails Xtreme Wear formula is a dark grey with silver holographic micro-glitter that, again, is more sparse than MPJ. Claire's Quicksand is a brown-grey base with a slight metallic sheen and silver micro-glitter.

While all of these have strong holographic shine, none of these have the same rainbow effect that MPJ does. I assume this is due to the fact that they're glitters as opposed to the silver holo shimmer/pearl that makes up the OPI, and that the shimmer in the OPI is quite dense. If you're after the rainbow, and you're a DIY type, I would pick up a bottle of OPI Designer Series Coronation or its more-holo, but harder to find cousin OPI Paris Couture for Sure. These two have all the holo and none of the colour. They're almost too pigmented to use as a topcoat, but you could probably franken them with a bit of black polish or pigment to simulate the original MPJ.

Netflix Recommends:

Apparently that DVD includes the controversial "Raven & friends go on a killing spree" episode. Or, maybe the "Violent TV Shows" factors in the show's ability to incite violence in the viewer.

I cooked something: Swiss Chard

So, farmer's market season is in full swing. I've been visiting my favourite market since it opened back in May, and the plants and spinach are giving way to a greater variety of produce. Two weeks ago I randomly grabbed a huge bunch of Swiss Chard (which might actually be Rainbow Chard) for just $2 from one of my favourite vendors.

When I buy greens like kale or chard, I usually chop it up and sautee it with a little garlic and finish it off with some sesame oil. With almost two pounds of chard to use I decided to do something different. Some internet searching turned up this recipe at Allrecipes.com. I tweaked it a bit and came up with:

Swiss Chard with White Beans and Goat Cheese

Ingredients:

1.5 tablespoons olive oil
2 cloves of garlic minced
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 large bunch Swiss Chard (with the stems, damnit!)
1 16oz. can of Cannellini beans, drained and rinsed (or, you know prepared dried beans if that's what you're in to)
1 16oz. can of fire roasted tomatoes with green chiles

Soft goat cheese (chavre)

You'd really want to throw this away?

Instructions:

Slice the chard leaves in about 1" strips. Chop the stems separately in 1" pieces.

Heat the oil in a skillet over medium heat. Add the garlic and red pepper flakes; cook and stir about a minute, until fragrant.

Add the chopped stems and cook for about 2 minutes, until they start to get soft. Add the leaves and cook for an additional 2 minutes. Add tomatoes and beans, and cook until the chard is wilted and the mixture has reduced slightly.

Check this shit out

Serve hot and garnish with goat cheese (or don't if you're vegan).

You know you want me.

It's kind of spicy, kind of savory, and totally easy.

I would watch this program

If only it wasn't a Nike ad.

Verisimilitude

I found the story about villagers blocking the Google Street View car mildly amusing, but mostly sort of moronic. It read like a lot of "Boo hoo, people on the internets might see our rich-people houses. Oh, the humanity!"

This, however, fucking rules.


View Larger Map

When the Street View car rolled through a Pittsburgh neighborhood in 2008, residents and people from around the city were ready. Organized by artists Robin Hewlett and Ben Kinsley, several blocks of a residential street were set up with tableaux to create a sort of human-populated Busy World of Richard Scarry. This has been on the internet since November 2008, and I can't believe I'm just seeing it now.

The Street View above shows the route. Follow Sampsonia Way eastbound to Arch St. Click the southbound arrow on Arch once, then get back on eastbound Sampsonia to Federal St. I highly recommend visiting the project website at http://www.streetwithaview.com/. There's information on the project, a full scene breakdown (in case you missed something), and videos.

[Found via John Hodgman's Twitter]

I think I smell a rat...

Thanks to WTF_Nature, I just learned about the Hero Rat program in Africa. Since 1996, the APOPO has been training giant pouch rats to detect landmines; and in 2004 they started training them to detect diseases like TB.



Apparently, I'm the type of person who finds giant rodents adorable; and after clicking over to the Adopt a Rat page, found myself donating to TB-sniffer rat, Kim. Sure, Chosen One was tempting and Allan had the cutest pictures, but all of the other rats had pages of effusive comments. All Kim had was:

Dear Kim,

i wisch I could fondle you someday!

Truly
Britta

Um... I'm guessing that's some sort of translational quirk. But what if it's not? I can't sit idly by and watch while a rat with my same name is subjected to sleazy come-ons.

It's bad enough that her job involves interaction with "sputum".

That's oddly specific

"Violent Documentaries" and "Suspenseful Sci-Fi & Fantasy from the 1980's"?


The new taste preferences on Netflix are weird. The intro page only gave me about 8 "tastes" to rate (Violent, Suspenseful, Romantic, Goofy), but the actual "Taste Preferences"-setting page has 24 different ones to rate. These things seem too weird and objective to really produce useable results. The provided examples are a clear indication that Netflix and I have wildly different definities of these things.

Ugh, I just can't... Patch Adams? Fuck you, Netflix, for reminding me that this abomination exists.

Yep, nothing says romance like hillbillies, dead guys, nautical disaster, whores, the mentally retarded, and Tom Hanks.

I wasn't going to say anything about this one, but Van Helsing? Really? I saw that piece of shit, and I must've gouged my eyes out too early to see the deep emotional subplot.
Also, how the hell is Top Gun listed under "romance", but not Eternal Sunshine? Oh, right, because these listings are nonsensical and useless.

This is where I'm calling total bullshit on these categories. They had the decency to stop listing Crash on every goddamn category, but three Nicholas Cage movies? Now I know they're just fucking around.

It was bad enough when I had to contend with their inexplicable genre-based recommendations, now when I log in I'm met with stuff like this:

Edit to add: I just noticed that in addition to the "tastes" and genres, you can set preferences for an endless number of other things, like "qualities" (which, inexplicably includes Bollywood), storylines, release dates, and all of the Netflix subgenres. One of these days, I'll try and manipulate it so it appears that I'm only interested in Gritty Zombie Blacksploitation Bollywood Tearjerkers that were released in the 1910's or 1980's about Post Apocalyptic Kung-Fu Whistleblowers and are based on Children's Books.
In all honesty, if that was a movie I'd watch the hell out of it.

Experience Aromatherapy as I stitch?

Hell no.

1. "Secret Perfume" sounds like some sort of scented douche. And, if you take away the embroidered towel, the promo pic looks like it's selling some sort of "feminine deodorant".

2. It seems like the scents would intermingle, and you'd have to pick colours based on what fragrances would compliment each other rather than what would be aesthetically pleasing.

3. My cross-stitch projects should have scents that reflect their nature. I don't think I've ever made anything that would be properly represented by synthetic strawberry or honeysuckle. E-mail me again when you start making thread that smells like cigarettes and scotch, DMC.

What would be the right scent for this bookmark?