Project Runway is back, y'all!

Okay, so I totally forgot about it until a couple days ago, but I'm sort of excited. ish. I'm sure it'll be good. First episode's on and there's new designers, new models, new challenges, and new sponsors to bitch about.

New designers (I'm sure I'll learn their names eventually):

• Former Lingerie Designer Guy - Jebus, we're less than 10 minutes in and he's already crying. Maybe he should be Andre V2.0. Still, I kind of like that he made the first semi-racist joke for me.
• Fatty Arbuckle That's too easy. Given the following comments, I rename him: PR's Frank - He reminds me of interior designer Frank from Trading Spaces. For real. Like, TS Frank 20 years younger. I also half expected him to produce something super-hideous based on his crazy costume designer background, but I actually liked his dress.
• Chicago Museum of Science and Industry Guy - Hey, I recognize you from last year's casting special! That said, I have no memory of what he made & it's too early to check Bravo's website for pictures (show's still on).
• New Wave Hipster Guy - Seriously don't get the big love for his design, but whatever. He was mildly amusing to me.
• Right Said Fred Guy - Didn't hate his design, but all I really remember is the colour grey and some uneven jiggly boobs. Will not make a "too sexy" joke. Guess it was too sexy for a bra. Damnit, that's not even funny.
  
• Korean Girl - I kind of liked her dress. It was black and didn't look like ass. That's really all I want in a garment. Still, don't play up the "Asian Girl is an Overachiever" thing too much. Seriously, don't chink out or I'll have to commit some yellow-on-yellow hate crime.
• Hippie Marionette Woman - Goddamnit I hate her so fucking much. When she said marionette, I wanted her to get auf'ed. When she started getting all Vincent-from-last-season crazy/spacey/retarded, I wanted her killed. Seriously, though, think back to the kooky/unbalanced contestants of past (Lupe, Vincent). Not only were they insanely annoying, they produced shit-ass garments every challenge.
  
• (Possibly-but-I-really-hope-not Token) Black Woman - Those modeling pictures? Smoking hot. And, she seems nice unlike a certain other African American female former-model with a thing for 80's-inspired fashion PR contestant. Her garment was some sort of fug, though.
  
• Punk Rawk Grrl - I have no real reaction, because I actually kept confusing her with...
• Sweet P - Yeah, I actually remember her lame-ass name. Only because she's, like, 20 years too old for that shit. Her garment? Don't remember a single thing.
  
• Guy Who Makes Sure to Tell Us He's Hetero - He looks like Santino from season 2. No matter how good he may (or may not) be, he's already tainted.
• The Rest - There were some other contestants like, Woman With Side-Swept Bangs and Dark Brows, Guy Who Looks Like "Beauty" Guy from Beauty and the Geek, and Guy in a Hat. Seriously don't remember a damn thing other than that.
  

Okay seriously, why the fuck do the contestants act surprised when they're instantly given the first challenge? The first season, I understand. The second season, maybe some of them didn't see the show. These guys? If any of them don't know that they'll 1) probably have to use seriously sub-standard materials at some point; 2) have a retarded group challenge early on; or, 3) be given some big "surprise" twists that make a challenge harder should be cut. With a rusty butcher knife.

Models, this is a contest for you as well... Except, not so much. And, Heidi didn't say that yet. Given that the runway portion--you know, the part where we can see the actual garments--has been cut down significantly over the past three seasons, I don't get much from the models. Good walkers, bad walkers, bitches that are fierce, a "plus size" model thrown in for reasons that confound me (this isn't America's Next Top Model, damnit. You aren't trying to make some half-assed "point" about something). Who knows what the hell is out there. Remember season 1 when the models sort of had personalities? Ahh, good times.

Judges! Some people might miss having Tim Gunn on their TVs, but I feel like my life just isn't complete without Michael Kors. He's the alarmingly orange bitchy gay uncle I've always wanted.
Guest judge... um, your name is familiar, but that's all I've got.
Wait a sec, they're all orange. M-Kors, Heidi, Nina!Garcia, even Tim Gunn. What the fuck? Is carcinoma the new black?

Anyway, first episode's almost over. There'll be more on the outcome later. I have to re-watch to figure out who I like. I already know who I hate. And, more importantly, I know that I won't ever be buying from L'Oreal or Bluefly again because their commercials are so skull-fuckingly annoying.